Not forgiving doesn't mean holding on to anger or revenge or bitterness.
Forgiving is knowing it's ok if you can and no forcing forgiveness.
To me it's indifference, complete neutrality. I have no burden to forgive that's not my job, I don't have to fake it or push it or feel guilty or shame that I can't. No memes or cute sayings can push my buttons. None.
I simply say that's not my job. Just as much as curing a fatal disease in another is not my job, not my sandpit, not my circus or my monkeys. Forgiveness for the Giggalo is not my business unless he asks for forgiveness.
I am detached from the need to forgive or to not forgive.
My view on NC is controversial too, because NC is different in practice to the description. I still deal with the business I need to deal with the Giggalo and his faux L. I still do my stuff that is admin. Other than that no texts, emails, calls, vieying of FB etc, all his stuff is gone, I don't wear his ring. Other than here and to other DBs I dont talk about him initiate chat or comment. I deal with legall with L. I reduce triggers, I am ruthless in cutting contact. He is blocked every which way I can manage. I have had to research his FB page to provery he is in Italy with RIT, I do so quite mercilessly so he doesn't know for Intel. NC is a state of mind and that includes excluding him from influencing me.
Perhaps my lack of anger serves me well now.
You can do NC I think even in the midst of a high conflicted D. As I don't have children then I can't advise on the interactions in D. In my book admin is no breach of NC.
Lack of Forgiveness and NC sounds troubled and angry. For me it is the opposite it is peace harmony and delight.
It is detachment and where I want to be indifference.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
