I've had a whole range of practically physical symptoms these past few days: almost debilitating back pain, a crushing feeling in my chest, dizziness, nausea.

I just want this all to stop, and to wake up, and for it to all be normal again. Except I don't even know what that is any more. I can't ever remember what that feels like and what that ever felt like.


Me: 48, XH: 42
T: 18 years, M: 15 years

EA/PA 1: 6/2012
EA/PA 2: from autumn 2012-present

BD: 5/2013
ILYBNILWY BD & left: 10/2015

OW conceived: 8/2016
Born: 4/2017

H filed: 7/2017
D final: 28/12/2017