A stronger me for whatever the future holds

[PacLove]

Uggh... Big back step the other day, as W is getting ready to move out I brought up the question of how she's going to pay for it - fair question.

That led to her asking me what I thought of us... long story short, I shared that I was still "in" to fight for our marriage and willing to work on things but that the A is getting in the way. She brought up legal separation to which I said she can file if she'd like. I saw windows of hope in her that she hadn't entirely given up on us (ie separation instead of D) but also some of standard stuff WW's say. She opened up about the issues we had in our M to which I responded I was working on them but she said couldn't trust me...

I probably broke about half of the 37 rules but honestly, part of it felt good to communicate with her after barely talking for the last 4-5 months and figure out exactly where we stand. She made it pretty clear that things wont change anytime soon and has no interest in working on the R right now.

What was interesting is that she brought up a few incidents in the last 4-5 months where she felt I wasn't really changing - ouch. But it made me more mindful that she is likely "observing" my behavior very closely.

We've exchanged a few texts since, mostly tactical.