Here we go again....

[matw]

journaling...

So this last weekend was decent but not the best. My W on Saturday was pretty hostile towards me.. very short 1 word answers and really didn't seem to want to be around me. We went out to dinner with my parents and she eventually started acting better.

On Sunday we woke up and took the kids over to my parents house so we could go hit the gym. We worked out together and she was for the most part pretty decent to me. She kept introducing me to people as her husband. Which she hasn't been lately doing.. more just talking to them while I sit on the sidelines. We went to breakfast together and had a little talk. Nothing to much but I couldn't help myself. Not sure how it got brought up but I said something along the lines that I have been giving her space and she told me she noticed it and appreciated it very much. She also asked me how come I didn't talk her out of our D3 when she said she wanted a baby. She told me that she feels like she only knows how to be a mom because we had our S9 & S10 when she was so young. I also have a feeling she resents that she made the decision to quit her job after our D3 was born. She admitted it was her decision and took responsibility for it but make the comment it was a good job. I know we are not suppose to mind read but I am thinking from all her comments that being a wife/mother/caretaker is just extremely hard on her and she is wondering what if she didn't do those things...

So after breakfast we went to a corn maze and pumpkin festival with the kids. We all had a lot of fun and my W took pictures of all of us and posted them to FB. She hasn't included me in any pictures in a long time but did this time. So it was a bit odd... I can tell she is probably just trying to keep me attached... aka cake eating... When we got home we did our meal prep and pretty much stayed out of each others way. Its very strange.. we are pretty much like roommates.

Yesterday went pretty well.. She texted me in the morning looking for our D3 shoes and if I had seen them. Then later in the day to let me know she isn't working Thanksgiving - We plan on spending it together as a family even though she will be in the apartment. I waited an hour before texting her back saying that's to bad because she could really use the money. Then while I was driving home she calls me letting her know she was on her way home and excitly told me about her workout. It was different than what she has been doing. Not sure what to make of it. Last night was more of the same.. just acting like roommates.. Its very confusing but I am trying to act like I have more confidence that I do.

Today so far we haven't spoken and I don't plan on texting her at all... Although I am having such a hard time detaching.. She is all I can think about which is so dumb.. I also realize I am doing things for her and in the back of my mind hoping it makes her happier. I have to stop this or its going to just prolong this whole situation. Easier said than done but its what I have to do... I just miss my W so much and wish we could turn this around.