We all have issues, we all have received a wake up call as to what is important in a M and hopefully we are all taking the steps to improve ourselves and conversely our future R's.
The additional information is helpful for us to help you identify issues that you can/may want to work on, I just hope you are not writing letters to your W.
You own a part of the downfall of your M, but you do not own it all, a great M takes two people willing to do anything to make the M all it can be, it requires communication, understanding, sacrifice and individual happiness. In my opinion, no matter how bad a M is, an A is a betrayal beyond excuse. If someone is not happy in their M, hopefully they would open lines of communication and try and work on the issues, but even barring that they should leave the M, not bring someone else into it.
My W is constantly trying to justify her A, she says that if I didn't leave her emotionally vulnerable then she wouldn't have done it, she says that it was a mistake, and she never thought she would do something like that.
I say that if she would of treated me like a husband I may not have distanced myself from her, if she would of just said once she was unhappy we may have been able to work through the issues, and I say that an A is not a mistake, it's a series of choices to do something dishonest and hide those actions.
look, blame can easily be shot back and forth between each other, but the fact is that you both were not on the same page, you both weren't working together to achieve the same goal, and that's needed for a truly healthy M. If your M can survive this, if you both can truly work on yourselves and work together to meet the goal of a happy and healthy M, it's more likely to be successful after a crises because you learn so much going through this.
But it's still not easy.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
