So, I will go ahead and add some details that I left out in all of my earlier posts. There were many major factors on my part that have caused her to seek comfort in another man. Just before getting married I accepted a position about 2 hours away from where we lived at that time. Honestly I didn't give her much input on it, and for that I am truly remorseful. I did mention it to her, but it was a life changing decision and I just passively made it on my own. Therefore, immediately after being married and our honeymoon I had to move 2 hours away and live separate from my new wife for a couple months until we could find a house. Now once we found a house that meant she had to quit her job which she was honestly probably on a track to become a manager at...this is a huge reason why I regret not seriously talking about the decision of taking the job or not. Now, the job that I accepted has truly set us up financially for early retirement and a nice lifestyle along the way but that's still no excuse for the way that I handled the situation.
It wasn't too long after starting this position that the overwhelming stress came in to play. Ridiculously long hours, late night and weekend phone calls requiring me to come in to work at all hours of the day/night. Mandatory weekends and holidays. So, I became completely overwhelmed and stressed out. I started drinking to cope with this stress and completely shut down any emotions and feelings that I had...according to everything I have read and the first therapist that I went to (just a few weeks ago) I was depressed and if I had just went to a therapist when all of this first started I would probably be in a much better place right now in my relationship. This went on for about 2 years while my W sat by and tried to be supportive. She voiced concerns over my emotional state and how I was treating her during this time frame, and I just completely dismissed her. It was as if I didn't even hear her I was so caught up in my own depressed fog. She would ask me to go do things like watch a movie or go to a concert, and all I would do is drink and sit on the couch like a worthless blob. It was so bad that I didn't even want to make love to her...which is absolutely crazy for me to think about right now because as I mentioned earlier she is absolutely beautiful and the sex was great. I can't believe how many times I dismissed her when she said things like "why don't you want me?" Why was this not enough for me to break out of my fog. Why could I not see what my job was doing to me and my marriage...Why could I not see what I was doing to myself all for the sake of trying to retire early to spend some great years with my wife traveling. I am absolutely beside myself right now thinking about how poorly I treated her and myself during this time period.
