A Father, that was called a Super Hero-Wolverine

[Phoebe]

Hello, dear friend. I want to ask you a very serious question: When is the last time you pencil-smiled or listed to f*ck that?

I am not going to tell you how you feel, or how you can fix it.

I just want you to know that I am still here, that I am still squarely in your corner, and to let you know that I think you are a fine person just as you are.

I will ask you to consider, though, getting back to some of the basics that we talked about when we both first came here.

You've done so much soul-searching and digging and analyzing and reading and researching, and now perhaps the pendulum has swung a bit too far. Maybe it's time to just sit back for a little while and focus on the present moment. Maybe it's time to stop looking so far inside that you turn yourself inside out. Let the effort to be a hero go for a while, and embrace the wonderful imperfections that make you who you are. Look in the mirror and see the beauty that lives inside of you.

Turn back toward the light, my friend.

Look at the beautiful faces of your daughters, and you will see the light within you that is reflected in them. Your daughters don't love you because you might become something better/bigger/stronger/deeper/more ____ in the future. They love you because of who you are right now, and because you have been there for them their entire lives, their source of stability and safety and unconditional love.

You don't need to stretch and grow and hammer yourself into a new form that you deem an improvement. You need to rediscover that you are good, just as you are. You are humble, kind, loving, brave, compassionate, strong, forgiving, and I know I am not the only person here who admires you deeply.

Remember how we talked about the grieving process, and how everything you are feeling is completely normal??? Well, that holds just as true now as it did months ago. There is no time frame for this recovery process, and the longer the relationships we are coming out of, the longer we can expect this process to take. You and I were with our spouses for over 2 decades!!! We're not even halfway through our recovery journeys yet. Please be gentle with yourself, my friend.

Go way back to the most basic things that we started with here: Take a moment today and ask yourself, "what can I do today that will make me feel like myself again?" What can you do that is purely for pleasure, rather than because it is good for you or because it is what you or anyone else might thing is the right thing to do? Give yourself a mini vacation from the constant desire to push, to grow, to understand, to reach, to dig deeper.

Just breathe, Silver Heart. You are still healing.