Vey detached, no longer anxious, in limbo

[Phoebe]

Well, I continue my efforts to breathe and to stay centered, and mostly, it's been working today.

I know that it probably sounds a bit melodramatic that I have some concern that WH may flee the country, but this spring I found some writings of his that indicated he had considered doing exactly that last year. So... it's a possibility that I at least need to consider seriously.

Yesterday was pretty rough all around, with the emotional whip-saw effect being an all-day project. It's not every week that 25 years' worth of responsible financial decisions potentially goes up in smoke at the hands of my STBXH. I'm grieving the loss of my financial security. Just as when I was grieving my marriage and had to learn and accept that everything I was feeling was totally normal, I need to do that again with this latest loss. I have to accept that what I feel is normal.

I've just been feeling my way through this latest morass, but I've been cycling through the emotions much more rapidly than I did when this whole adventure began. Yesterday I went from furious to disgusted to neutral to grief-stricken, to angry, to resigned, to.... well, let's just say it varied by the hour...

...but today was much better.

I took some benadryl last night to ensure that I got in enough sleep, so I woke up feeling pretty refreshed. I just puttered around and had a relaxing morning, right up until the moment I was cooking myself some nice old-fashioned oatmeal, and relized what I REALLY needed to be doing was driving!!! Somehow the time got away from me and I realized just as I was setting a timer (and therefore looking at the clock), that I had an appointment I needed to get to! Yikes. Abandon oats!!! I made it with exactly zero minutes to spare.

That happened to be an appointment with my therapist, and it was a productive talk. Afterward I went for bike ride with both H-friend and L-friend, which was fun. It was sunny, though chilly, and the trees are in beautiful fall color, so it was a gorgeous day to be outside getting some exercise with friends. The route we take is about 16 miles, so it was a great way to burn off a little bit of that frustration I'd been carrying all weekend.

And now, here I am at this awful hour, tap, tap, tapping away at this journal, when I should be sleep, sleep, sleeping. In my defense, I will say that I've been putting in a genuine effort to improve my sleep schedule, and about half of the time now I'm in bed by 1 am. Yesterday I was in bed before midnight, but the here I am "tonight" hanging out and writing this at almost 3:30 am.

I hope that more sensible sleep habits prevail in other parts of the the DB universe!

Hi to everyone and thanks for checking in on me, Sotto And Painter.