You were right to vent here instead of acting on that impulse.

You can control what you feel/think. Maybe not 100% but it can be done. Google "excel at life" and check out their articles about cbt. It could help, but maybe a cbt therapist would be better for you.

Best wishes

R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together