The sun will rise for a new day

[ATPeace]

So just had the worst dream possible and have woken in a panic crying distraught I was about to write to my wife she is working a night shift and tell her about my dream and tell her I cannot do this any longer and tell her that we either have to try and work on things or tell her that she has to go I want to beg her to work on things as in my dream she had decided to sleep with someone else I know that this is some people's reality and it may already have happened with my W I do not believe that it has but I feel a broken man

I do not want to be apart from her but she is sharp tempered and snappy she is cold and she is uncaring the woman that I loved is no more but I pray that she could return I want to be with her because I love her and she is the mother of our children I do not want to loose her but I am starting to feel anger and resentment to how I am being treated I never meant to hurt her feelings but I feel this is a choice she,is making and she is choosing to be unloving and uncaring .

Sorry this to vent I was about to send her a begging message and felt it would be better to post here

So I continue to try and do my share of the housework and be thee for my children show her love I do not know how I can turn this around actions not my words

I am still totally getting it wrong I am still treating her as my wife I buy her small gifts and want to spend time with her and my detachment is impossible whilst I live with her I cannot detach anywhere near enough yet I do not want to live without her I am so unhappy when I imagine life without her

I want to write to her telling her one last time how I feel how I am sorry how I understand her I love her and would not get it wrong again but bringing up the past waould not be a good decision yet I cannot leave the house and leave my children and live apart She would need to make this decision ....could I make this decision if she slept with someone else

I want to say to her please give me 60 days let's just act like we are back together for this time and see if this could kick start loving feelings ..not sleep with each other or do anything sexual just hug hold hands sit watching tv snuggle up together perhaps share a bed like we did for 26 years lay together and snuggle and see if loving feelings return don't fight it and be open to this and if nothing changes then draw a line under things

I do not even know exactly what was the cause of our break up it was not just one thing many many small things leading to much resentment and loss of love I just want another chance I cannot even say that I would never screw up again

At times like this I just do not want to go on yet I have my four beautiful children to think about I feel so alone I want to ask her for a hug for her to feel close to me to feel my affection to trust me

Sorry to rant on ...it has to come out

I am a loving caring person who screwed up by being self centred and I put myself first