Maybe She Isn't Evil

[RDS]

RDS-- at this point... now that you've owned up to so much ... what keeps your W from even wanting to try to talk to you about the R? Could you please summarize...

If I had to guess why she hasn't wanted to talk about the R is:

Fear-Trust-Enjoying single life.

Fear and trust go hand in hand. I'm thinking she is scared to even think about getting back with me because it had taken years for her to finally break down. She knows me better than anyone and I don't think she thinks she can trust me because in her eyes I've only been the "good" guy for a few months. I was the bad guy for years. I can honestly say I truly believe I can stay being the better man I've become than what I was. I look at life through a whole new way and I'm seeing my W in a positive way I don't think I've seen...since forever.

I also have to think she may be enjoying the single life. She isn't dating or anything like that, but for the first time in her life she if on her own. We started living together when she was 18 and we married when she was 19. She moved from her parents to me. She has never really been on her own. Even when I frequently deployed or was stationed in Korea a year she still had our daughter to care for so she couldn't do as she pleased. Now she can do pretty much what she wants and with me paying her a large sum monthly it makes it even better for her.

I know she still loves me because she does things for me that a normal WAW wouldn't do (AFAIK), but I don't know if it's still ILYBNILWY.

It's funny, but the day before my W left me if anyone asked me about my feelings towards my W I would probably say ILYBNILWY about her. Now I've done a complete 180 towards her. I realize I love her deeply and I can't imagine thinking otherwise.