I think my wife is in MLC and it seems hopeless

[ForeverYoung]

Hi SBJ, our buddy eric sent me here. I'm so sorry to hear your story... OUCH! A while back I was where you are now, so I know how tough it can be!

I have a tender spot in my heart for all the successful 20+ year relationships. No way anyone makes it that long unless they had something good going on. Definitely worth some time and effort to save and remake, right? Are you in this for the long haul?

Sorry if I missed it, but have you read DR yet? That's where you need to start.

Also, if things were good all those years until recently, in my opinion that almost points straight to MLC. More homework for you!

It sounds like you came here early in your sitch, so that's good.

Please don't pressure your W. The best shot you have with her now is letting her go. I actually told my W (while she was crying about how she wanted out of our "failed" M) that if she wanted a D I would give it to her... that was over 4 years ago and we're both still here! (and doing pretty darn good if I say so myself)

But I'm not gonna lie, there was a lot of painful moments in there. But if I can do it I know others can too.

I don't have answers as of yet, but I just don't want to get to a place where I get upset and bitter at her. In her way of thinking we can divorce and still be good friends...I don't work that way. I'm either all in or all out.

Yeah, my W's plan was to D and be best friends too. And find "True Passion" (with someone else) for once in her life. Ugh. It's quite common to hear these things and more, like this:

At bomb drop my wife told me she "knew" back on our wedding night that she made a mistake marrying me!

Yet she stayed around for 28 years (at that time) with few complaints? *scratches head* Sorry, but I called rewriting history on that one!

Here's the thing: "The place you get to" is totally up to you. This is your opportunity do be a new you and do new things. The best thing you can do for youself, your wife, and believe it or not your M, is to relax and give her time and space.

Are you off moderation yet? Keep posting, buddy.