this weekend I did nothing. sat around and watched tv all day. (I was dog sitting for a friend and she has cable, I haven't watched cable tv in 5 months!) I got some homework / studying done as well. took a few walks but mostly sat around and did nothing.
Stressing cus W is back and I will have to interact with her on some level soon. i think. I'm actually not at all sure if she's back from vacation. I do know I am picking D up on weds for a fact, as W has some activity. D will be spending the night with me as I have a doc appointment on thursday and can take her to school. Dreading the uncomfortable talk of finalizing getting myself off house bills. Not sure why..again maybe cus its so final? I don't exactly know why it's making me nervous. Maybe because I thought by 6 months W would have her head out of her a$$. Not the case. at all.
Have paperwork and began filling it out for D. Do not want to rush into it, do not want to file on emotion. But I think this is what's best. Will wait until W has a job...so perhaps around January. I do not trust her enough to not fight the financial side. Will also try and get her to file jointly, I don't see that as a problem as she's the one that wanted me out of her life. Part of me doesn't want to file but I can no longer see myself with this W. I'm young, I'm smart, I have a decent job, I have a lot to look forward to. I need to move forward. I feel pretty good. The only times I freak out is when I know W and I have to interact. That's no way to live. Eventhough I beleive D is the route to talk, It's still blah...idk hard? weird to think about. I guess I thought after thinknig about it so much I'd be more "sure" or....calm? In a way. Still not 100% sure so I'm glad to wait until the new year to finalize things.
I didn't think I'd be here 6 months in. When this all first started I was sure I'd make it to a year of DB. well, mostly I was sure W would get it together by august. I just don't have the want or desire to anymore. I guess I'm 80% sure right now that I want to walk away and initiate this D. I firmly believe we have crossed a line that cannot be mended.
