Cherry. Filed, moving, spinning..

[Cherry]

Thanks sara, I will get started on the facemask tonight! You're right, I do feel a bit better about myself when I give myself a little love.

I've had yet another busy day, I have things I need to get done before work, then after work. It's very tiring. Haven't seen wh. He came home about an hour later than he finished, and by this time I had got S to bed and gone to my room myself. The distance is required whilst I regroup. I realised today that I truly don't know my own worth, I need to really love myself before I can love anyone else or be good for anyone else. I shall look into ways of developing this skill.

[Surfer]

Cherry

Loving yourself is not a skill. You just should. The only thing that stops you is when you listen to others putting you down. The skill is detaching I am afraid. So what people say and do can not make you feel hurt or worth less than you are. The GAL helps you to do things that make you feel happiness. When you feel happy you reflect on you being a happy person that is not put down - allowing yourself to say not to this pressure is key.

I read "People deserve the treatment they allow" the other day. Or words to that effect. Don't allow the treatment, through boundaries, don't feel the pressure, GAL and be happy and see that happy person that people like to be around.

It's all quite simple really.

Surfer.

[Cherry]

This is the thing I have always had problems with, I cannot accept compliments. All my life, like at school, I had lots of friends, people have always liked me because I'm loyal, I don't get involved in gossip, I speak my mind, they find me funny. This is still the case now. I've always been given compliments on the way I look, but I've never been able to see it myself. I always had a lot of attention from men (this has slightly dwindled now I'm very much visibly pregnant!), but again, I haven't ever been able to see why.

I just seem to view me as me. I have always been more focussed on others and helping them to accept my own personal qualities.

I'm seeing more that people genuinely do like and care for me, and I've had a lot of support from people I didn't think I'd get support from. Some guys are ex friends of wh. They have drifted from him as appears when he became wayward and changed towards me, he became wayward to them too. They have heard things about him, and our m and just want to offer support to me.

I do need to begin to love myself and see my good qualities. And I think once I get there, I will be in a bit stronger and confident.

I'm also back trying to read through DR when I get a bit of quiet time to myself.

[PsySara]

Here's the thing, you child deserves the absolute best, yes? Therefore his primary caretaker also deserves the best since she (you) are his lifeline. One must treat the primary caretaker with fantastic care, like keeping a fancy sports car maintained and in top condition. Why do you feel that your son's primary caretaker deserves anything less than the best? That would mean he deserves less than the best.

Cherry, as I've said before, if I wasn't flamingly straight I would consider you a catch! You are a wonderful person and need to make a small goal of accepting compliments on a daily basis. When someone says something positive about you simply respond with, "Thank you." Nothing else, no self deprecating comments, no denials, no quantification. Simply, thank you.

[JksD]

Sara, I was just eyeing Cherry for myself...

Lol!

Love what Sara said. No ifs, no buts. Just thank you and accept the fact that you're a great person.

[Cherry]

Haha ladies, there's plenty of me to go around.

Sara you put that in a very logical way, and you are right! It's time to start to love myself and appreciate myself!

I shall start with that today, and any compliments, I shall graciously accept.

I was doing some reading and revisiting dr last night. I thought it's time to start with a beginners mind again, set new goals that I can monitor and see if I witness any changes. But the main thing is that I am concentrating on myself.

Yesterday rather than hiding away at my dinner hour, I took a friend up on an offer to go out for lunch, and it did change my day in a more positive way. I went out, and had some genuine laughs and I came back with a far more upbeat peace of mind. I'm going to take advantage of people's offers and support. I'm also wondering whether to tell the people I work closest to about the situation. So far it's kept pretty hush, wh hasn't told anyone he is leaving and going for a d. Which leads to me having awkward conversations, such as when people say about wh being excited about the baby, and is he hoping for a boy or girl. Little things like this just seem to bring a painful reminder to my day, and make me feel like I am living a lie.

[JksD]

Cherry, how trustworthy are the ppl you are thinking of confiding in? Will they be supportive of you standing for your M?

I would only tell ppl who have the same attitude as your bff. They won't judge you, and they won't jeopardise your efforts.

What happened to your wh's 1st A? Did your colleagues know about it?

[Cherry]

I'm not too sure if they did know. I was on maternity loop so I was quite out of the pictures. A few of his male friends knew, but once they found out they completely cut ties with him as they didn't agree and found he was a different man than they thought he was, especially given that he had a wife and newborn at home. These friends of his, as much as they are "trying to help", I do not confide in them, nor do I really speak to them, as I have been told by them that I "need to have respect for myself" "leave and forget about him" "he's making a mockery of me" and the one that riled me the most "you are a mother, be a mother and think of your child". This very much angered me, I don't need some young single man telling me that I need to be a mother, I am a mother 24/7, I always think about my child over myself every second of the day. Some of these men had made advances on me prior to getting with my husband, so I do wonder if that plays a part. I do think that when most of my colleagues get wind, it would be a shared view to kick his a$$ to the kirb.

I do have another close friend I work with, who has known wh for a number of years, she is supportive like my bf, in the sense that she understands that there is a great possibility that this is something way deeper than a problem with the m, the way he is pushing his entire family aside and has had a complete personality overhaul. She like bf, is more concerned about my wellbeing rather than turning this into a man bashing spree. And that I feel is what I need, if I am to openly trust someone and tell them details of my private life (I am a very private person), I want them to support me in what I chose to do and just make sure that I am gaining strength personally in order to navigate this situation into anything that happens.

[JksD]

I understand your need for support. And it's wise of you to stay away from your wh's male friends. Nice to have them on your side but yah, you don't want unsolicited advice that jars with your stance.

The close colleague sounds like a safe bet.

[maybs]

Cherry, I agree that if you are going to confide in someone it should be someone that will support your decision fully.

I got extremely lucky and both people I consider bff's are 100% on my side and have never turned this into a XW bashing.

Like you say, I am very private, and it takes a great deal of trust for me to discuss my private life with people. And there are a good many people in my life who have no idea anything that has gone on. I suppose people will begin to find out.

Just make sure whomever you decide to confide in is someone that is trustworthy!