Her MLC: The Battle I Didn't Choose

[Brubeck]

ericsmant2 - You are right about this. In so many ways, I am letting my PRIDE get in the way of things. I am not changing, or I am not changing enough. I receive so much conflicting advice, and I don't trust my gut or my heart right now. I don't know where to go.

Covering my butt is a big deal with the money, she just overlooks her spending and how much money is gone and just shrugs it off. It's no big deal.

I'm not using MIL to convince my W that a D is bad, but I was probably reaching out to MIL for feedback, to see if anyone in her family thinks something is off with W. I reached out to yet another person for validation that I'm in an abnormal sitch that I feel powerless over. I still feel like this really is all my fault, because she is my W and I am hard-wired to take her at face value. I still refuse to accept to see the craziness and the frightening possibility that she will end everything acting on the craziness.

It is hard to let go of pride, when half of me wants her to leave anyway. Some days I still have moments of disbelief over her A. I'm just trying to outlast her MLC. I don't know what's going to happen for either of us when she comes out of the tunnel, I just want to make it there if I can.

Part of me thinks DBing is just going dark and nothing else. I guess I'm not trying hard enough to figure out what it is I need to change. I've listed a few things for myself, it's hard to practice. I know I need to give up the need to be right. Drinking the STFU smoothie is getting a little easier, but I couldn't let it go with her leaving the kids alone.