When she was warming towards you was there anything you were doing consistently? Part of DBing is keeping a progress journal, if something is tried and there are results (good or bad) then keep track in a journal.

GAL is more about self care, if you're too tired to do any strenuous activities then pick an easy one, like reading. This is definitely a marathon, my WH has definitely tested my patience. The good news is I have learned to control my temper while DBing. This has been a useful skill to apply across the board, both with my children, family and friends. I have learned that just because I feel a certain way at the moment doesn't mean I have to react to it, it doesn't mean I have to make a decision at that very moment. Most importantly I have learned to keep my words soft because I may end up having to eat them. I have learned to put my ego and pride on the back burner and ask myself what my end goal looks like.

My goal is to have a loving, nurturing, respectful marriage. What does this look like to me? It means disagreement without arguing or insulting each other, without screaming. It means letting go of who did the dishes last or the most. It means prioritizing my family over my list of to-do stuff. It is a huge amount of self work. I have spent the last few days apologizing to my WH for my hardness and obstinacy. Instead of him smugly smiling and accepting my apologies it has resulted in him becoming remorseful and telling me how much he regrets the pain he has caused me with his affair. It was not what I expected. And keep in mind my marriage may still be over, but at least we can talk and interact like friends again.

A big part of the problem was I had a mental picture of what he was SUPPOSED to do to make it up to me. But I never pictured the behavior I needed to show to make my WH feel safe and loved so he could finally face the demon of his actions. How can he give me 100% transparency if I am ready to jump on every slip? Anyways...I sort of thread jacked, huh? Keep on keepin' on, if you feel like quitting and divorcing, then wait a few weeks and revisit the thought. In the meantime care gently for yourself, you're a great guy.

M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3