Detached, getting along better, but in limbo....

[Surfer]

Journaling....I am feeling good today. Totally over recent wobble. All nice and confident again.

Decided to take S6 to football with practice WW usually does. She seemed really appreciative. I'm not going to do it if I doesn't fit in with me but I am going to try and make the effort each week. If it looks like she is not being appreciative at any point I will definitely reconsider. Anyway it's time with S6 and so far so good and a bit of a 180 - I don't normally take him as it's relatively early in the evening and I am often working. I was also thinking it might be cake eating too. It felt right.l though. W stayed at rented place with D8. All seemed happy when I got back. I didn't linger just drop and go. W said thank you and seemed to be pleased. Not that it matters to my emotional state but I appreciated it.

I noticed whatsapp dings when I was there. OM favoured method of communication. Her girlfriends too at times. Didn't really bother me but as D8 has said she is on whattsapp a lot I did think mmmmmm. Anyway no mind reading.

I do think we have potential to get along much better and who knows. Not sure she will ever really apologise and regret for the hurt, but no point in trying to second guess that.

Keep contemplating dating......not sur yet still.

I am still concerned that she is not moving forward with mediation. She is also too comfortable financially at the moment and is not really feeling any pressure of being apart. I still think finances will be the key to this. In a way I want to know, are we divorcing or not. Are we mediating or not but I suspect all I can do is get my L to put a separation agreement on the table to improve custody and restrict spending by my W. However, this won't improve relations. I know this sounds controlling but I do want 50% custody - I am at circa 30% right now. Also, if she is renting, she should doing that with 'her' money not our money.

Perhaps I am rushing things. Or perhaps I am just being a mug whilst she is waiting for an OM (perhaps there is one - definately has been) - I am propping her up financially until she is ready to pull the rip cord????

Any views.....?

Surfer.