But first -- Coly -- I admit, yet again, that I feel the same way. I have made some progress detaching, and convincing myself that I need to move on and find happiness apart from my W. Yet there is just some part of my heart muscle that just won't stop feeling the way it always did. It's especially hard because I see her every morning and evening.
This last week, there's been a noticeable warming in her demeanor towards me. Not perfectly consistent -- there are still shards of annoyance, and moments of averted eye contact, and she still definitely maintains a distance, but there have been more conversations, chit chat, and the distance has closed in a bit: now she can stand to sit 2-3 feet away from me whereas before, she couldn't really sit within 10 feet, except at family dinner, when she made sure she was not seated next to me.
It may be related to finding out last week that her Dad likely has cancer. It may be related to her realizing that trying to jump start a (paying) career is going to be very difficult. It may be related to her somehow getting over the initial anger towards me, and settling into a more calm, more rational determination to get a divorce. I just sense some soberness from her, along with the warmer demeanor.
Then earlier today, amid an exchange of messages about what our kids may or may not know, she says she'd like to talk later this week about "an idea" she has.
I'm guessing the idea has to do with financial, housing, and/or child custody dimensions of our divorce. I'm sure she still believes that getting out of this attraction-less marriage is the key to her happiness.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
