I was where you are. I wanted my ex to regret so bad what he did. I fantasized about some grand apology filled with what he knew was to be wrong and how he was truly sorry. The only sorry I ever got was "Sorry it had to be this way".
Pleeeeease do yourself a big favor. Do no read that stuff anymore. I used to be obsessed with researching what goes through the mind of the OW. It didn't bring me any comfort or understanding.
You'll let go when you are ready to let go. One day you just won't want to hold on anymore because you will realize the only person it is hurting is you.
I think you are an amazing woman and mother. I know the peace will come in time. You do have to work towards it, but when you are ready. get a voodoo doll if that's what you need right now:)
