Maybs - Pt 4 - where to now?

[maybs]

I guess maybe me saying I was getting wrapped up in her problems is the wrong words. I am dealing with my own problems and to an extent she is helping me with that. She's been divorced so she understands how I'm feeling and what I'm going through and she's also having troubles with her now H. He's acting very similarly to how XW has been acting. So we have just been trying to be there and support each other.

I think the reason I feel stuck in separation mode is because nothing has really changed from how my life was when we were separated. It's like in my head I know we are divorced and that's okay. But it's almost like I forget about it sometimes, like nothing feels any different than it did a few weeks ago.
-she's still gone. - still seeing cow. - I still live in the house alone.
Like nothing as really changed on the surface, but it has changed.

IDK I feel upset about the divorce itself but I don't feel all that upset about her. Like I still feel pretty detached from her and her crap and her emotional roller coaster. It's almost like I view her as two separate people, or well 3. There's like the past her that was my W and the person I married and then there's this weird person who kind of looks like she does but is nothing like her and then there's like this hope for a new her in the future that's like different than both of them but hopefully better for herself.

It's hard too sometimes I wish I could be as angry at her as she is at me. Like it would be easier if I hated her and I just don't. I feel bad for her and I can empathize with her to an extent but I'm not angry. I've forgiven her. And I do wish her the best, truly.

I'm just...idk...