was or what 8

[roist]

Thank you Rose.

Yes my situation is a hard one to get a grasp of and I have not really journalled our interactions. I will briefly try to outline them.now and maybe journal more about them going forward.

Tbh our interactions are mostly those of housemates that don't get along but still make the most of it. There are many silences and communication can be poor. Neither of us avoid the other. I tend to go do something else instead of
Staying in the same room.in silence or awkwardness. I do this to give her time and space but also I prefer doing stuff.

With kids my W tends to take over. I am slowly changing that but it is one of my.major projects that I am working on. My W works school hours so she is with our sons most of the time. She is good with them but they are a hatndful at times and she cracks. But due to her closeness and availability for boys, she tends to take over solving disputes etc. Sometimes I feel undermined and I let her know. This is one of my pet hates and triggers. I am.progressing in this domain but enough to my liking. I'll surely talk about parenting more as it is an important part of me.

It is sure that my W does not avoid me. She asks help for little things that she could. Haha. have done alone. When I get busy elsewhere she often comes to see me, even if at times it's to point out a better way of doing it. Haha. Got a lesson on digging a whole recently and filling it yesterday. I truly would be lost without her. Joking aside she does often come to where I am.

Same for our couch time. Before I hated this as it was filled with silence and resentment. Now I no longer harbor resentment and for the mostpart it is a shared moment of comfortable silence with better communication.But if W is closed to me and/or I have no interest in what is on, I won't sit there just to spend time alone together. Quality beats quantity. Anyway often when I express I don't want to watch the end of something, she suggests watching a series on DVD or other. Guess I am not so bad as TV buddy.

Every evening when I come home I offer to help with dinner.More often than not it is not wanted. If conversation is not easy, I go about my b siness. If talky we chat for a while.This is sporadic. My strategy is to capatilise on moments where communication is good and back off when it isn't. Same for interactions. However I do not let her moods determine my availability always. If I have something that needs doing, I will do it.

I have not the time to outline more now. Maybe I over highlight the positive but that is what I focus on. Overall interactions are poor, but there are positives. At times she is very chatty and open. Full of eye contact and smiles. Sometimes she is so intense with eye contact that I get uncomfortable. Really intense unbroken eye contact.I milk up these occasions, appreciate them but know now I cannot build on them. I can improve our interactions during such openness.

I got to go.

I outlined our full conversation back in February so that I would have a record of it, if anyone wants to dig back that far. She admitted being disconnected to me and when asked didn't know if she wanted to reconnect. Everything was talked about as a third person.The third person being our R. It was like that and that was it. But no honey that is not it. It is us that decide how R is, not it. It was a calm talk and I said stuff I wanted to say, including stuff I appreciated in the past. This was about having said it rather than influencing the R. It was good to chat. It released built up tension.

My W is unhappy in general. This helps me stay compassionate. Back in February I told her that I would prefer to see her happy with someone else than unhappy with me. I do want her to be happy. I prefer that to be here with me and believe it can be so. Unfortunately I don't think she sees this at the moment and maybe never will.I understand her unhappiness and her depression.

I think she has been in crisis about four years. I was depressed for the first two. I wanted to stand for at least the same amount of time. That is done now. But I am not done. I won't set any time limits but eventually will.