For me the choice to stand was easy. Living it not so much. I am for the most part holding up well. I am only opening up here now to give as full a picture as I can so others can understand my situation better and offer specific guidance.
No my W has never had IC or any other kind of professional help. That will do no good unless she wants it. So for my part I have never suggested it.
I was depressed in the past and during that time I wanted W to save me. She didn't!. Now I know it was not her place to do so. I want to help my W but I cannot drive that. I continue to have empathy, validate and support where I can.
When I was depressed I saw the degrading state of our M but could do nothing. Plus tbh I was numb.I didn't know what to do and not motivated to try alone. Imo W was also depressed back then too. But I sought help for my depression and started to work on M. I understand how she feels and it is awful. That helps me take it on the chin, but does not make it more enjoyable.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
