A Father, that was called a Super Hero-Wolverine

[SH_]

Today has been a challenging one...

I fell into a berserker rage and may have cut someone that I care for...

I am not getting out of this dark shadow, and it feels that the harder I try the more entrapped I become...
It is pulling more tightly around me...
The simmering frustration...anger...rage...why is it there?
I am not angry at anyone!
I just feel exasperated trying to accomplish things and then I lash out as those around me that try and tell me how I feel...what I meant by what I said...what I am thinking...feeling...doing...

I just need to go away for a spell.
I need to understand what is real, perceived, and simply the projections of others...

I need to discover who I am without the influence of everyone around me telling me...telling me that I am not happy, that I seem upset, that I need to do this or that...

Why does it get to me so much?
What is hiding under the surface that has such a spark that I try to snuff out, to avoid an explosion?

I don't understand it...

My inner demons are dark and vast,
Some live in the present, some in the past.
You can only hide them for so long,
But they always peak their head,
From the trapped doors in my memories,
Through the closed doors in my mind,
Between the cracks in my broken heart,
Hiding in the dark alley's of my soul.
Sooner or later these demons will gain control,
Whenever, they see weakness from within your soul.
These demons will test you at every turn,
Wishing you to welcome them, Damning you to burn.
Don't say anything and just look away,
Block out their voices, only then,
Can you start to make the right choices.
Jarred Coleman

I don't have any other option but to withdraw from it all...
I cannot contain it, it seems.
This is not the person I want to look at in the mirror...
This is not the life that I want to provide for those that I care for.

I pray for all that are in their own struggle...may peace...inner peace be found for you.