I guess someone didn't like my nice lawn and decide to rip some donuts on it most likely Friday night. Wonder who that could have been. This guy is going to be a real f'n problem.
Saw WW friday and saturday. It was good. We got into some difficult discussions on saturday. Lots of tears from her. She says that I am not opening up enough emotionally. She says that I don't love her like I used to and she can tell (that might be true actually, I am not sure). She said that it bothers her that I never say 'I miss you' which I didn't think was very fair. She did comment on how much I have changed and she said it was in a good way. Anyway, just validated where I could. We have a the half marathon next weekend and will be staying in a hotel together.. that will be interesting.
Let me re-phrase my question above again. I am planning on going on a trip with a bunch of friends in Late may to hawaii and california. Should I tell WW about this now? I should plan on going right? WW and I could be done by then or we could be back together. At the present time, it is, without a doubt going to bother her when I tell her I am planning on going. Would this hurt reconciliation? Logically it makes sense, since we have been planning this for a year already.
Mmmm, hopefully one of the vets will chime in here however FMPOV what would you have done if you had only just met her? You had a life before her right and now she left you for over a year so did she expect you to have not made any plans or have no life when she was gone?
Also this is the new you and a new relationship. No more codependency just giving each other space to walk your own path. I think she might be disappointed but she'll get over it!
By the way I am jealous! I went to Hawaii many, many years ago and still long to go back!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Thanks Coly! If this was a brand new relationship, then I would plan the trip and not worry about what might or might not happen 9 months down the line. I think I will tell WW about it, possibly tonight. She will be upset, but probably better to get it out of the way now.
Originally Posted By: Coly23
You had a life before her right and now she left you for over a year so did she expect you to have not made any plans or have no life when she was gone?
Yea, actually, that is probably what she expected. Glad I did not let that happen though.
I have no idea how to take the next step here. Everything has been good so far but we obviously have a lot of issues. Whats the next step... maybe staying at one of our places together? She probably shouldn't spend the night here because felon will likely lose his mind and I have zero desire to go to her place. I guess maybe consoling might show us a path forward? I am definitely being guarded... maybe overly so. hmph
Hey Pinn, do you have to make a decision about the Holiday this side of Christmas?
It is hard for you because your W actually sounds like the LBS, constantly looking for reassurance from you. How about when you go away you make that really special, the start of the next stage in rebuilding...
Hope you talk ties OK tonight...
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Hey Pinn, do you have to make a decision about the Holiday this side of Christmas?
It is hard for you because your W actually sounds like the LBS, constantly looking for reassurance from you. How about when you go away you make that really special, the start of the next stage in rebuilding...
Hope you talk ties OK tonight...
I think I do have to make a decision on that vaca soon to get tickets at what not. I guess the only cavet would be that if things keep improving WW could come and that could be arranged at a later date. My friends and family are going for 3 weeks and I can't swing that with work so i'd be having separate travel arrangements anyway.
Are you talking about when we go away next weekend? That could work. She is oddly insecure and she does seem to need reassurances. It is a weird spot to be in.
So I was thinking about what WW was saying this weekend about me being distant, cold and what not. Yea she is right. I am still in my DB'ing mind set. I don't text her first, I never call, never say I miss you or anything like that and try not to start R talks. So yea, I can see where she is coming from. So today I decided to give her a surprise call. This is only the second time I have called her since August 2015... that's right August 2015!
She was surprised and happy. She was quite gabby. The trip issue sorted itself out. She saw someone post that they were going to Hawaii and asked me about it so it gave me a great opportunity to explain the situation. I think the surprise call softened the blow a bit. She just said it would be weird if we were back together at that time but she understood and that she really had no right to be upset about it. I just said let's see what happens. So that was good.
She also told me a story about her sister and how her long time on/off boyfriend are trying to get back together. They were never married but do have two kids together. Very similar stories actually minus the kids.
pinn, i'm so glad to hear things are going in the right direction. it's hard to be where you're at but you're handling it well!!!! keep on doing what you're doing. i am rooting for you and your M! -cheesy
Hey Pinn, I think the not calling and being a bit distant worked when you were not sure if she wanted to piece but now it looks like you are headed in the right direction maybe start initiating contact a bit more. I don't think however you should lose sight of the distancer/pursuer dynamic until you are well into reconciliation.
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
