Hey, Coly! I've been following your thread, but usually don't want to just reiterate what others have posted so I stay quiet...I'm a lurker, LOL. I've been where you are with the million questions driving me crazy. You suddenly realize after the punch in the gut BD that you don't know your S as well as you thought and that opens the doors wide open for all sorts of thoughts, questions, fears and...dramatic little stories that your mind spins to make you even crazier. Try to slow down (almost impossible, right?). A lot of people try meditation at this point. I could never get the hang of it, but ehhhh...its worth a try. What if all of those things you brought up are happening/happened? You have absolutely no control over any of it. None, zero, zilch, nada. Put a rubber band on your wrist...snap it every time you have a thought like this. Or put in your earbuds, blast face-melting angry heavy metal and run very hard and very fast. Journal those thoughts and fears and write out all the positives in your life. Phone a friend and say "I need to go dooooo something, right now!!". My point is, going dark is very hard on us. We need to keep ourselves occupied and stop focussing on H at this time (almost impossible, but that's the goal). And to answer the question (which Job already has, really)...yes, he is thinking of you and has not forgotten you. He's probably wondering what you are doing and why you are not contacting him. Funny story. My H came over at one point to try our own "mediation" (our D is almost done) and as he was leaving (we were unsuccessful as his offers were ridiculous), turned to me with a sad look on his face and told me he noticed that I had been trying not to contact him. Then said, "don't try so hard." He looked so sad and lost, it was painful to see. It confused me and ate at me, so two days later I ended up calling him. He was cold and made up a lame excuse about why he said it...just blew it off as if he just wanted me to call if I needed clarification on anything, which really was the only reason I EVER contacted him while going dark. But by then, it had been two days and he was able to control whatever emotion he was feeling before. Yes, they think about us and miss us. Let it get bad enough that he reaches out to you. It will happen. When it does, be light and breezy. Secure and strong. Listen and validate. And be the lighthouse with no talk of R. Until then, GAL your tush of and try to have some fun. Just try. Leave him to stew, or as some on here say, bake. He isn't ready to come out of the oven, yet. So don't keep opening his door. Or keep watching it. There's nothing you can do to make him bake any faster.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
