Hey Cheesy, looks like you've been through the emotional ringer these past few days.
It's wrong of W to use D as a stick to beat you with especially when it is so obvious that she is projecting her own thoughts and fears through D. However there is a glimmer of D being your champion here as she mentioned that you have changed for the better.
I agree with NYGal try and work on being consistent especially as you recognise you weren't so much in the past especially with D. Maybe it's time to ditch the textbook validations and answers for bit because this might be 'some of what doesn't work'....
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
coly - wow thank you for your reply. I did not even consider that my textbook answers might be some of what doesn't work. though at this point it feels like nothing works, i'll keep it in mind.
lt0402- unfortunately I had to work all day saturday, so no football.
nygal - you're right, my W doesn't understand herself and frankly I'm so tired of trying to understand her.
W leaves for vacation for a week. I'm so glad I do not have to deal with her. She is exhausting. I called W tonight and her VM was full. sent a text "wanted to leave VM. your mailbox is full" a few minutes later W replied "should be clear now" so i called and left a VM for D, and told W to "be safe". I didn't tell w to have a good trip cus frankly, I hope she doesn't have a good trip. The whole back and forth and push and pull is draining.
met with friends today for a beer event, that took up most of my day. saturday I worked from 9am-9pm. friday night went to a baseball game, after the game they had fireworks, it was awesome! then walked around downtown for oktoberfest and had some beer. overall good busy weekend. can't complain.
no idea when W and D comes back from vacation. I'm not going to ask. I'm assuming a week. I don't really know. But I feel so relieved, and extremely happy. I guess I like not having them around...and I feel somewhat terrible for saying that but it's so much better for my mental and emotional health. Right this second I'm not sure what I'm working toward with them. I don't know why I would go want to go back to my M, even a new one with W. I guess it's good i don't have to make any decisions. I miss having a best friend, and someone to share everything with. I also miss the physical intimacy of going to bed with someone or holding hands. But I don't need my W for that. Not sure if i'm detaching or if I'm just moving forward or what but every day that goes by I'm happier without W. I wonder if that's what she feels too. definitely would debate on going back should the situation arise. No longer a definite YES.
how do you know when you're done? how do you know when to actually pull the trigger on D? I have been thinking a lot about this. I'm ready to make appointments with Lawyers and look into it. My W is not the person I married, fell in love with or love anymore. My W is gone and our M is dead / over. When all of this started I couldn't picture my future without her or D. Now I cant picture my future with her...funny how that works.
I did not want this. I did not ask for this.
Almost 6 months later and I'm still here. I know this roller coaster is not coming to a stop just yet. I know I will have more bad days. I know I will have more good days. Most importantly though, I know I will be better after this.
Good for you cheesyt! I'm glad you realize you're still on the roller coaster. It doesn't come to a stop for a while, and the roller coaster of emotions is something you should expect and not be surprised at. And the funniest thing tends to happen... when you give up, they sense it. Then it's YOUR choice.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Sounds like you are in a good place Cheesyt!! You will continue to go through a wave of emotions and that is okay...you will be stronger and a better person for it! Hang in there!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
augh feeling all kinds of emotions today. trying to sort my feelings and emotions. but it's hard.
My sister called me asking about W, I guess my sister saw facebook pics of W's vacation. My sister and I are pretty close. But I decided I did not want to tell my sister what exactly is going on. Mainly, my Sister knows a side of W that we all knew and loved. I guess I'm still in disbelieve that my W is just so....not my W. My sister mentioned maybe W felt scared that I'd go after the house and stuff so maybe that's why W was being shady with the finances and such. I would hope my W knows me better than that. The thought never crossed my mind because I'm not looking to make my W's life difficult. I'm not looking to screw her over. I'm not a bad person. I don't deserve this. My sister also mentioned how people show their true colors when they feel backed into a corner or in the end of a relationship. yep. that's so true.
thinking about everything surrounding W is not fun. It's pretty painful.
(((Cheesy))), I know the less people who know the better however it sounds like your Sister is trying to show you that she cares about you and is in your side. She is saying things that she thinks you want to hear and will make you feel better.
Off course she is speculating and mind reading so anything she said you should just take with a pinch off salt and maybe change the subject in future. Nothing has changed because if what she has said.
You are doing great!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
this weekend I did nothing. sat around and watched tv all day. (I was dog sitting for a friend and she has cable, I haven't watched cable tv in 5 months!) I got some homework / studying done as well. took a few walks but mostly sat around and did nothing.
Stressing cus W is back and I will have to interact with her on some level soon. i think. I'm actually not at all sure if she's back from vacation. I do know I am picking D up on weds for a fact, as W has some activity. D will be spending the night with me as I have a doc appointment on thursday and can take her to school. Dreading the uncomfortable talk of finalizing getting myself off house bills. Not sure why..again maybe cus its so final? I don't exactly know why it's making me nervous. Maybe because I thought by 6 months W would have her head out of her a$$. Not the case. at all.
Have paperwork and began filling it out for D. Do not want to rush into it, do not want to file on emotion. But I think this is what's best. Will wait until W has a job...so perhaps around January. I do not trust her enough to not fight the financial side. Will also try and get her to file jointly, I don't see that as a problem as she's the one that wanted me out of her life. Part of me doesn't want to file but I can no longer see myself with this W. I'm young, I'm smart, I have a decent job, I have a lot to look forward to. I need to move forward. I feel pretty good. The only times I freak out is when I know W and I have to interact. That's no way to live. Eventhough I beleive D is the route to talk, It's still blah...idk hard? weird to think about. I guess I thought after thinknig about it so much I'd be more "sure" or....calm? In a way. Still not 100% sure so I'm glad to wait until the new year to finalize things.
I didn't think I'd be here 6 months in. When this all first started I was sure I'd make it to a year of DB. well, mostly I was sure W would get it together by august. I just don't have the want or desire to anymore. I guess I'm 80% sure right now that I want to walk away and initiate this D. I firmly believe we have crossed a line that cannot be mended.
Ya, it seems like a long time and I thought mine would pull her head out by now...its a marathon but it sounds like you are more stressed around her and you seem ok if you let her go. I am so glad you know that you are smart, young, have a great job and you do have a lot to look forward to...you are right, it is no way to live stressing out so much just to interact with her. Just take it slow, don't file until you are 100% sure but keep yourself protected financially!! Glad you got to watch some cable!! HAHA
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
