I wanted to tell you that it is perfectly normal for you to have the feelings you do.
I remember thinking...come on already..get through your crisis. Then I realized, it takes as long as it does. No short cuts through it.
That's why you have to throw out any expectations of how this will go because that can make you crazy.
It all happens differently for everyone because people are different, their life experiences are different.
I see you still looking at her trying to find meaning in a convo or visit. That is crazy making, too.
THe reason is we arent in crisis, so we just dont get it.
I have been around a long time. I helped my therapist run some groups for people in a MLC and for those affected by one. And what I learned is this.
Those in crisis feel as if they are swimming in mud with 100 pounds on their backs. They dont know why. They just want to feel better. They will do anything in order to.
The only way for you through this...is to live your life. The less you look over your shoulder at her, the easier it is for you.
When they dont feel the pull of you, they feel lighter and then you do, too.
I understand how you feel about groups of people. It was/is difficult for me, too.
But the great thing about this journey is that you get to stretch yourself.
It took awhile, but, I forced myself to do some things I didnt want to. I was very uncomfortable for a long time, but, I kept doing it. I will never be someone who jumps right in to a group of people, but, I do enjoy it a lot more.
Is there something you have always wanted to try? Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone allows you to grow.
Who do you want to see when you look back at this time? Who do you want her to see?
