Your W is weak. The above quotes are weak It0402. Dissoi logioi is a form of rhetorical argument - meaning one side of an argument defines the terms of the other side - look it up, let me know what you think. Not sure if your W has been through a liberal arts formal education, but as I read your $hit, the above is what she is doing. Read about it, decide if you agree, if you do, form a defense. Otherwise, but a good shovel and a yard bag, b/c she is leaving some $hit to pick up.
Interesting concept CT. One thing that caught my eye in reading up on it was this quote off one of the sites: "...one reason people argue their side without listening to the other is that they are insecure in their beliefs". Goes back to the whole ambivalence thought my IC has about my W.
It's strange because W does seem to be talking out both sides of her mouth about our MR. She gets extremely emotional when dealing with issues regarding her and I and becomes very wishy-washy and flip-floppy (for lack of better terms) from conversation to conversation. There never seems to be a constant thread or timeline.
However, and I don't know why I didn't see this before, when W is talking to me about issues she sees between D and I (like today) it's a lot more measured and level headed. Nowhere near as pointed or all over the place as the MR talks. She seems to have a full understanding of that and a clear view on it. Maybe the opposite is true on our MR, hence why she's all over the place there.
I'd offer as a counterpoint though, that the concept of working through both sides of an argument (dissoi logoi) could be very beneficial to us. Especially as folks begin their situation. As painful as it may be, stepping into you WWs shoes and taking their view of the issue would help frame where you can improve yourself. The added benefit would be the ability to feel compassion for your WW as you can grasp she is going through a tumultuous time as well, just in a much different way. I'll never forget when AndrewP highlighted that to me a couple threads ago. My grasping that what my W was going through was equally as difficult as what I was, helped frame and understand where she was. Having compassion for her also aided me in righting my own ship as I realized this wasn't just about me. It was truly a turning point and I drew strength from that insight.
Long winded, but CT I agree. She seems to be grasping onto both sides of things and leveraging bits and pieces against me, though very disparately. It would suggest she's very jumbled up inside. She seems to want the "go" side to win so she can be free, but there does seem to be a sliver of the "stay" side still in there. Hell, she got a tattoo on her left wrist that says "Let Go" a couple months ago. What more permanent way to remind yourself not to look back.
Regardless, I won't hold her here. She is free to go if she wants. I won't, however, let her jeopardize mine and my Ds future stability. Would I like my W back? Absolutely. Will I continue to fix my issues and be a stronger and better father and man? Definitely. Will my W ever realize the mistake she's making and rejoin our family? I'm not holding out hope.
I'm pushing forward down my path for myself and my D. My W is welcome to stay in limbo if she likes but she won't hold us back. Maybe we will send her a postcard from the great spot we will be in in the future. Then again, maybe not.
That rhetorical enough?
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
