Letting my weight down...

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Sage,

I can relate to your stress over missing the phone calls at work, and being afraid that you've let them down.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Sounds like good stuff happening with your husband.

I love reading your positives!

Go YOU!

Hugs.

[sage]

Sorry that phone call/email from work stressed you out. I know the feeling all too well. I go through each thought/emotion you described.

How did you handle it?

WELL...not particularly well at first.

I was reading my email and h was reading his. I said "oh, crap, they've been trying to get in touch with me" and ran from the room. He said "your family?" and I said "No, work" with impatience. I ran to get my phone and came back listening to my messages. I think that h was trying to talk with me but I was in my "impatient and distracted and freaking out" mode.

I called the guy back and had a frustrating conversation but I eventually grasped that they had solved the problem (leaving me off the emails related to THAT for some reason).

Then I sat at my computer and tried to figure out HOW to draft an email to the mailing list that sounded as though I was appropriately concerned but NOT making excuses.

The whole time I was in my own little world.

I did send an email.

h said "I"m taking you out for a surprise date".

I apologized to him a bunch of times (arrgh! just do it once!) and he said "It doesn't bother me when you're stressed unless it's at something I've done".

I asked added "or you're not sure why" ('cause he has said it before)

One of the things that I tend to struggle with is letting an incident like this go...so when we were leaving for dinner I started shaking my whole body and I said "look, I'm shaking it off".

Sage

[sage]

Hey PIB and Pam,

thanks for the visits, friends!

Had a good day at work and a good night at school last night (ONE more class + 1 exam!)...picked h up at the train...he said he was happy to see me (+). We got home and he said "I'm sorry I'm so low energy right now" (he's not feeling well)....I gave him a gentle squeeze and told him however he is is fine with me...gosh...I want so my for my h to know how much I love him just HIM.

We watched a bit of TV but I was tired so I went to bed before him. Before I did we had a LONG conversation about something that had happened at work...he asked about it, showed a REAL interest. I guess my worries about boring him or stressing him out are for naught. It REALLY made me feel good to have him listen.

When I was on my way to bed he gave me a wonderfully passionate kiss.

Already rolling in positives this AM...h called with plans for us to go away on Labor day weekend. the plans were directly related to something I had mentioned (wanting to go see another ballpark this summer!) and it's centered around baseball -- something we BOTH enjoy. My wonderful h had the plans already in mind!

Sage

[mom2two]

Told me that he wanted a D., no longer loved me, never did, it "never felt right", etc.

So Sage, does your h say ILY now. You said since you started db-ing, he's been very loving, but I'm wondering if he says the words now and how that came about?

[debcb]

just wanted to say hi, Sage, as always I'm inspired by your journey.

[minnie1]

Good morning Sage,

was reading my email and h was reading his. I said "oh, crap, they've been trying to get in touch with me" and ran from the room. He said "your family?" and I said "No, work" with impatience. I ran to get my phone and came back listening to my messages. I think that h was trying to talk with me but I was in my "impatient and distracted and freaking out" mode. The whole time I was in my own little world.

Wow...does this ever sound familiar!

How was your "surprise date"?

Thank you for all your continued help and support for MANY, MANY months! You are a dear friend.

Minnie

[sage]

I have to post this...I hope that people find it amusing..and not offensive! (NO offense intended!)

Guy selling XW's wedding dress on ebay

Sage

[sage]

Told me that he wanted a D., no longer loved me, never did, it "never felt right", etc.

So Sage, does your h say ILY now. You said since you started db-ing, he's been very loving, but I'm wondering if he says the words now and how that came about?

---

mom2two...

yes, my h does say ILY every day. I am very lucky for many reasons...h's verbal offering of his love is a big one to me.

I was trying to think last night how it "came about" as you asked and to be honest, I don't recall (shocking!). I DO know that I had stopped saying it and had stopped talking about the future given the whole bomb dropping and all...but when he first said it again I'm not sure.

Sage

[Lyrael]

I thought it was hilarious, Sage - thank you for the laugh.
Myrrh

[sage]

Hey Deb and Minnie,

Thx for the visits!!!

Had a great night last night...when I got home from work h and I decided to go to a movie we knew little about (Hellboy) -- it was spontaneous and FUN! and we both enjoyed it. We grabbed a quick bite afterwards, came home, caught up a bit before turning in.

So...positives from yesterday: h calling with new vacation plans for labor day! our spontaneous date!

Also, h told me last night "do you know how much I love you?" which is awesome because, well, I always like to be reminded!

We also had quite a few LAUGHS with each other and I do believe we even danced together for a minute or two right before going to bed (gotta love THAT!).

In preparation for posting on the KLA thread I was thinking this morning about goals. Had a very important realization...bear with me...

I was thinking about how I'm struggling a bit lately with wanting to be ACCEPTED in my m. for ME...for my personality and traits and plusses and minuses. I was feeling a bit righteous -- like -- I want h to appreciate my organization and my thinking. I want him to accept the manner in which I'm healing...the methods (meditation, yoga, reading) that are meaningful to me, etc.

I was thinking about his statements during the bomb: how I chew stuff up and spit it out, how I'm always looking for a new "solution" in a book or something.

I started thinking "I want to be ME in our M. I want h. to be HIM. I want to be appreciated and accepted". I may have even "harumphed".

And then I started REALLY thinking...about how h told me a few weeks ago he really appreciates my taking the time to investigate solutions (to our vacation plans), how h is totally supportive when I get up in the AM to do yoga, how he keeps bringing up the meditation/yoga place that I was supposed to go to a few years ago that I couldn't go, how he thanks me for my contribution, my energy.

He DOES see the positive aspects of my personality. The "thinking" not the "chewing stuff up", etc.

Maybe the one who's resisting ME being ME is ME?

Sage