Focus on Me and the Boys 9

[J5K]

So I called to speak to the boys as they asked me to call when we drove up. I spoke to all but S8. STBX said he is upset and that he did not want to talk. I said that is ok. Then she denied me speaking with S2, he was eating dinner and then she called me back a few minutes after he was done and I was able to speak with him. Then she starts into shoe sizes are small and I stated the shoes are new and the feet were measured before I bought them. She starts spewing sizes that are a full size incorrect. I tried not to get emotional and stood my ground but she would not stop so I hung up.

She calls back and we argue more, about the D and how she did everything she could to keep the boys and that I was inflexible. I stood my ground and stated that things changed when you fired me as your H. She said she now has a new boyfriend that she has been seeing for a while. I told her I am glad she is happy. She said she knew I was not going to change and do the right thing and have the boys come live with her and good luck to me in raising them. She said we will see how good they turn out when they grow up. She said Toronto is a better place to raise them than Michigan.

She asked what the status is on the car getting fixed and I told her we are still waiting for the engine and if she is that concerned she should call the dealership herself. She also asked why I have not shared the boys school schedule and I stated that I gave her email when I signed them up. I also stated if she was that concerned with what is going on then she can call the school directly and get whatever information she needed. I told her I am not her secretary anymore.

She went and bought clothes for the boys for this weekend since she did not have any. I said next time I will improve my communication with her to ensure the boys have the appropriate things when they visit.

All in all not a good conversation as we both said things that has been typical between us, high conflict!

Why do I want to be in an R with this person?

Why can't I let go?

I have to get out of this rut and get my crap together for the boys. Same theme all the time from me that everyone is reading. I am sorry I am having such a difficult time with this and that everyone has to hear me say the same things over and over.

She has gotten into my head so much I don't know what is right anymore. Very frustrated! She has me almost convinced I am an introverted narcissist.

I also drove by the house she is building that she is supposed to move into in November. I wanted to see if there were condos near by IF I even move up here. None that I could see and the house she is building doesn't even have brick on it. It is framed, roof is installed, doors and windows and insulation on the outside. At best she may get in there sometime first quarter of next year. So my boys would have been living with her at her parents for God knows how long until the house was done. Anyway not mine to worry about. I have to improve blocking things with STBX.

STBX thinks I am here to party for the weekend, did not respond. Nothing but spew from her. She also made many comments about not having a plan when she has the boys this summer as a SAHM, she said she doesn't know how she is going to pay for anything, I validate with that must be frustrating and tough to plan. It's like she is subliminally telling me, I am not well and still need Jim to take care of me while I cake eat even after the D. What do I do with this? Nothing! File it away and be done with it.

Going to go have dinner and a glass of wine to wind down and then get some sleep and put this day behind me. Baby steps, parallel parent first.