Detached, getting along better, but in limbo....

[Cherry]

Surfer, sorry to hear you've had a bit of a time cycling too lately. Is there something in the air? Wrt the bday gift, absolutely just get something from you. Have a special evening of a treat, take them out or get a movie and pizza and bday cake. Nothing ott, just a nice evening of fun.

It is hard not to get sucked into the vortex of the ws sometimes, we all do it. The importance, for you and me, is that we keep ourselves the same. No codependent mood matching. And no rising to the bait. I was reading up on narcissistic behaviour (my wh fits into this very well). And one thing that for sure ran true, is that they will do anything for attention- good or bad. They're just trying their best to get a reaction from us, the healthiest thing we can do for us is to deny them of that reaction. They truly do show teenage/toddler behaviour, they'll act up to get some attention from us. let's not give this to them, we can do it.

I wouldn't worry about the text, I don't think anything like that would make or break the situation right now. But I totally get the anger, tonight rage bubbled through me, and I furiously wrote out a text telling him not to insult my intelligence, I know about the ow. Bit of a mistake and a stupid thing to do if I'm honest. But I was angry and fed up. We all get that way.

Take some time to do some reading up, revisit DR if it helps, detachment thread exactly.

Sara wrote some interesting observations on cake eating. You know your limits. I don't think there's anything wrong with being civil and putting the kids first and protecting them from the madness. You know your limits. If you feel she is taking advantage of asking you over, then politely decline with you have plans (hey we have a life too yano!) or if you feel it's her reaching out to connect, then go for it. You truly know what you are or aren't willing to do.

Stand up, straighten your crown and get back to it.