Also beautiful: your paragraphs about where you are, and how tired you are.
You have boiled life down into its existential bone. I wonder which way you will go. Or if you will go at all. No judgment here. I have no prescience about what works, or what is good.
One judgment, same as I've told JRuss: you have proven your core, at least to me. You are a good man. Ten times any man you might stop on the street.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
