It is bone crushing, heart wrenching., stomach churning... Need I go on! These people who we have trusted with our inner most secrets and thoughts now don't trust us enough to know where they live. I just don't get it! I'll send a text I think, that's probably best. D is adamant we shouldn't even send him a text but I don't want to not acknowledge his birthday at all.
I went go the gym today and it took all my strength to get out of the car and go in. I just wanted to go home and cry. Going to my older Sister's for a girls night tonight. I have four sisters so should be fun! Still I desperately want to speak with H, do you think I should start turning the light switch up to bring him into the light soon or should I stay dark until he initiates? Maybe I should see what reaction the birthday text gets.... ?
I was having one of those desperate moments today which came from my fear of thinking I have blown all my chances especially with going dark and I really wanted to text him. I think my emotions are cycling a bit this week...
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
