[BrightFuture]

Job, thanks for not giving me 2x4s . You are right, there is no way to tell what is going on with them, especially when there is a limited contact, mostly by texts and e-mails. One thing I know is that he is trying to be nice in order to maintain the contact, he is not ready to separate things, and especially the business. I thought about separating the business multiple times during these years. I think it is possible as long as someone has a strong desire to do it. He could have found another partner (like his favorite crazy woman, LOL), but I guess something is stopping him from doing it.

The “file” story ended up with me signing up to one of these file transfer sites and he was able to send the file to me. We exchanged a few texts over it… him, asking me to confirm that I received the file, me confirming it, and him thanking me for figuring the whole think out, hahaha…

Job, I actually think that he has more clarity these days, and sometimes I feel that he has more clarity than me… There is no action though… except for maintaining the contact and joint “stuff”… As for me, I was going thought another round of grief. Much shorter and easier this time, for sure.

FY, thanks for stopping by! You are my biggest cheerleader! Here is what I read recently on some website about going through the grief process: “As you work through your emotions, hang onto the love and the positive memories. Eventually it is the love you shared, and holding onto those memories, that will be the healing balm for your heart. Allow the negative emotions to move through you, but hang onto the positive memories and the love.” And this: “Healing your heart doesn’t mean that you will forget your loved one, or that the love you shared is over. This love is yours forever. Love cannot be lost.” This seems to be exactly what is happening to me. I don’t have anger against H anymore, and I feel sorry for what he has to go through. I wish I could help… But, I realize that he has to do it on his own.

FY, I don’t know how to give H the hints anymore that I already do… I keep moving on with my life. I’m sure he already knows that I do what I think is good for me. Yes, in some ways it benefits him (like keeping our business together), because he knows that I would take care of things. He is a very stubborn man, so it will probably take some drastic changes to shake him off out of his funk. And these drastic changes will probably come at the time when I would be completely “triple” done, like you said. I would take your advice on the truth darts though. I just need to remember to take any opportunity to do that, when I communicate with him. The truth is that I just don’t give a d@mn most of the times, or too tired…

Anyway, some updates on my dog and me… Took my dog to the vet and she did diagnosed the tick induced encephalitis. She prescribed some heavy antibiotics and also some holistic meds, as I expected. They also did two rounds of fluids/ozone treatment. It cost me a lot of money. Good thing I have pet insurance that I purchased through work last year, so I’m expecting it to cover for some of the expenses. He is getting better, but still has some anxiety on the tile and wooden floors.

As for me, I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster again… Work has been insanely busy and stressful recently… Stuff at home… happens at the most inconvenient times… Like a sick dog that I had to take to the vet twice last week… taking time off work… meantime doing the meetings over the phone, with the dog in the back seat, ear phones in my ears, and looking at my other phone for directions to get out of the new area where my vet moved her office to. Then my garage door got stuck and would not open the other day, when I was trying to get to the office for the meeting where I had to present… I figured out how to open that darn door manually, but it was quite an effort, as it was very heavy to lift. I had to ask for the meeting to be postponed by 30 min... and I was still late by a few minutes… This is where the thoughts about having someone in my life who could help with stuff like that came back again… And I missed H… I missed out old times when I could count on him, and when we were a team, dealing with any issues together... Oh well… I have to count on myself for now...

The GAL updates… It has been insane… I think I need to start saying “No” to some activities… Can’t remember beyond last Saturday, but here is the gist… Last Saturday – usual dinner at my sister’s, Sunday – dinner at my friends’ house, who just moved to my city from Bay area (friends who also have a house at the vacation home), Monday, Tuesday – happy hours with people from work for different reasons, Wednesday – company event at the bowling… Tomorrow – Wine and Snack cruise at the harbor with a few people from work for a b-day of one of them. I feel like I need a break from GAL, LOL.

Have a great weekend, everyone! I do read the posts and try to keep up with everyone as much as I can.