The Fight For Self III

[SH_]

Thank you all, quite seriously, thank you. I don't try to be, but it really means a whole lot to have support from my friends here. I don't feel amazing right now, I feel really exhausted...with almost everything. As in literally tired, not fed up.

CT my friend, my SuperHero brother...
I completely understand this feeling...
I have been caught in the same quicksand of late...
I find exhaustion the order of each day, in spite of efforts with exercise and healthy eating, although I might be able to sleep a bit more. Not that I am not sleeping fine, just that I am up at all hours reading and trying to find answers to questions...and not even sure what the questions are...

I believe I am mostly good. My attitude is still quite positive. Between work, graduate school, being a father, my sitch etc - I am just worn out. I commented on SH_'s thread not that long ago about how my daily new, fresh, and exciting GAL's tasks had come to an end - mostly because Graduate school at night fills up every minute not at work or with son - and that this summer left me really tired emotionally. It was exciting and tragic at the same time.

I also am at this same crossroads...
The GAL activities have tailed off as the pressing matters of surviving and progressing take up much time and create a routine that feels to burn the candle at both ends...and the remaining time is put into time with my daughters.
I am sensing this may be yet another leg in the journey that we are taking and that there is opportunity for growth and progress...

I downloaded some divorce paperwork this week. Started filling it out. I know why I did it, but divorce is still not what I want. F -it. I am not sad. I am not happy. I still feel great about me. Just in a place where I am wondering if this has all gone as far as it will go and I am not sure I feel bad or scarred. I'm disappointed, you know?

I get this...I have fought with the little angel and devil on my shoulders over this many a days...
She has stalled in pushing this fast paced D process...
And I am not sure if this is good, or if I should just jump in and end it...
Limbo as they call it is not a comfortable place...No pain, no peace, no sadness, no joy...just blah!...nothing.
Kind of like a vortex in time...a time that I will look back at as a hole in my life.

don't write like this. Guessing someone will pick up on it. Tired, not much sleep in past two days. Hungry, not much food either.

"When the time comes,
let us lay down in the forest
so birds in their bellies,
may carry our forgotten pieces
above the tree line and into the night."

You are human...you are on the right path...you are doing the right things...do take pause on occasion...growth takes place both physically and mentally when we take a moment too rest and catch our breath and stop pushing against the resistance.
A second wind will come up and then you will jump back into the fray...

"We’d never know what’s wrong without the pain. Sometimes, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." -The Fray All at Once