My w did the same with our accounts. She spent out of the joint account (my income) and saved her money in hers so she could leave. Maybe she was using it so I couldn't see what she was spending too, idk. She also maxed out our credit card.
Try to stay calm for yours of and kids. It sounds like she is getting you riled up so she can justify herself. Try not to play into it. In my early days w pulled strings and I danced while she set me up to fail. We never argued until her MLC, then she had to justify herself somehow until I learned not to partake in her craziness, or at least as little as possible. Try to be calm and let her be crazy on her own. I know it's hard.
It is completely unacceptable to leave kids at home like that and I know how the MLC friends are just as crazy as them. What kind of other adult thinks it's okay too? A MLC friend. Next time try to change your approach when you confront her. Instead of saying "never abandon our kids like that", maybe try something like "I was concerned for our kids when you left, it is not acceptable to leave them alone at that age anything could happen, you could easily be reported and checked out by CPS" or something similar. You don't want her to feel attacked. Don't partake if she argues. Dont argue in front of your kids.
Take care of yourself and kids, let your w act crazy on her own don't partake in it.
