Look at it this way, you have experienced a traumatic emotional injury that needs treatment... What would you do if you experienced a traumatic physical injury?
You would seek the appropriate medical help, a good doctor, surgeon, physical therapist, etc. you would probably read information about your injury and how to best recover from it and then you would get to work and surround D yourself with the support to encourage you and help you recover. Why? Because you need experts and knowledgeable folks to get you through.
Same thing here, you need a team of experts and knowledge. DB coach, L, IC, read the material and learn what to do, and you have much support here.
Don't let the spinning keep you from getting the needed help.
Breath Trust the team you get together Take it slow There is no hurry, but you want to act with urgency.
You can do this.
Are you seeking other threads here that appear similar to yours... There can be nuggets of wisdom and ideas to inspire you about how to proceed or what to step back from
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Maybe just tell her you cancelled or postpone the MC. If she asks why just say you aren't sure what YOU want right now. Leave it at that. Don't make it about how you think she thinks, make it about how you think and feel.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
So we went to the MC on Saturday. In my mind, I just wanted to get a lay of the land as my wife has given me so little insight into what she was thinking.
It went just as many of you expected. Apparently not only am I a bad husband, I am also a poor father. The MC actually pressed her on a lot of things which was almost comical. She contradicted herself with every sentence. She agreed to go back on Saturday for some reason. Perhaps she thinks that this is going to satisfy me and whatever guilt she harbors.
I'm going to continue DB'ing as its the only way I can get through the day. She's on her own. Also going to see a lawyer today just so I know what my options and rights are.
It's amazing. Every person I know, outside of this board, think that she acceptance in going to MC is a good thing. I see that it is not.
The people you are talking with are probably not people who spend endless hours working on a forum like this one. Those people want to say something encouraging, and of course they think MC should help, b/c that is what MC does....right? MC does not stand a chance if one person does not desire to do whatever it takes to save that M. I have not seen MC save one M that had a WW. B/c she is wayward! She's resistant & rebellious to anything that does not fully agree with her selfish desires.
Just to clarify, once the W repents from her waywardness, and she is willing to do whatever it takes to save her M....then a good MC dealing with couples healing after affairs, is advisable.
Last edited by Cadet; 10/11/1609:50 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I get that now. We're going to see the MC on Saturday. I'm going to suggest that we discuss how we should communicate what's happening to our daughter who's starting to ask questions.
Right now my wife is in WW mode. She has no interest in saving our marriage.
