Maybe She Isn't Evil

[RDS]

ForGump, I changed my views after my first meaningful conversation with my W after 2 months of nearly complete darkness. I had been DB'ing and trying to detach as best I could and I had already had a DB coach session so I was on a better path to repair myself. During the 3 hours I was on the phone with my W I really discovered just how much pain I had caused her.

In so many ways I associated what she did with our finances with her having an A. It wasn't the same thing, of course, but I did feel betrayed. Sadly, I wanted to hurt her by being cold and condescending towards her, but after learning of the pain I caused her I feel ashamed. My W is a good woman who almost always put me first and the fog of my anger prevented me from seeing it until after she walked out.

The destruction of my M took years to accomplish so I keep telling myself it will take a long time to gain her trust again.

I can say with certainty I will never treat my W the way I treated her the last few years.