It helps to hear other people's thoughts to gain perspective.
I had a session with a DB coach this morning and have been thinking a lot about what he said. Of course, after digesting everything, I now have questions. Maybe someone can help?
1. How do I know when it is time to let go? He seems to resolute, so sure divorcing is the right thing. How do I know if HE has it wrong; perhaps I am in just denial?
There is a saying .... I may quit, but not today. This MLC thing is not for the faint of heart and it takes time, like a cake .... you can not just crank the oven to 500 and expect it to come out .... you have to let it bake at its correct temperature and for the amount of time it needs ... this varies with every MLCr out there. To answer your question, only YOU will know when... this is what shocks most LBSs is the fact they have all the power when they feel so powerless in this. You will know .... only you and when you let go you will feel the weight fall off. Know you can not fix them, they must walk this path alone.
Originally Posted By: FightOn
2. Are MCLers really so certain of their decision to divorce? He seems so resolute. Like he knows for certain. Again, maybe its me, maybe I am in denial.
They talk a mean game, in that fogged mind if they could only just be divorced and free it would bring happiness, relieve them of all the guilt and Euphoria is sure to follow as far as they are concerned .... mine yelled D for almost 3 years, 3 separate mediation attempts (total about 5-6 meetings) untill finally she filled for D last month after about 7 months of as much NC as I could have with a child involved.
Originally Posted By: FightOn
3. The DB coach commented that H making me breakfast every morning is a sign of a connection. That H still feels something positive otherwise he wouldn't do it. My sister-in-law says its because he is feeling guilty and is trying to be nice to assuage his own guilt. How do I know which it is?
I will not outright disagree with a DB coach ... but I would lean towards the guilt, I seen this early on but over time these acts of kindness were few and far between
Originally Posted By: FightOn
4. His therapist is encouraging him to run away. I can hardly believe this. Why would his therapist encourage this if he knows its MLC? Does he have some kind of ethical obligation to be supportive no matter what? It makes me think maybe it is the right thing to do.
Thanks again everyone and have a wonderful weekend!
Typically therapists do not understand MLC like we do, so they may see this as a midlife transition and to 'help' him break co-dependency and discover who he really is (Not fully aware he is currently an alien who took over your old H's body)
You may have heard this and might be sick of it but its the truth ... allow him to walk this his way at his pace, work on you, a true act of love would be to give him a better version of you if/when he returns .... the worst that can happen is you are a better person regardless of the outcome.
