Vey detached, no longer anxious, in limbo

[SH_]

Missing you.

Hugs!!!

((((((((((Phoebe))))))))))

[Phoebe]

So, just when I was thinking that the worst things that might happen already had, I discovered today that I was wrong. Despite financial restraining orders, today I found that my joint accounts (supposedly protected by the courts, and limited legally to only normal expenditures) were gutted. I went to pay a lousy little power bill, only to find that my balances had dropped by over 90%. My lawyers said he couldn't do such a thing, and yet I'm looking at nearly nothing in my accounts.

So, suffice it to say that I am having a hard time again. My last remaining shred of trust in WH is now gone entirely, my financial security, toward which I worked and scrimped for 25 years, is hanging by a thread (on the hope that the money might eventually be recovered), and I just feel so utterly confused, hurt, angry, violated.

I abided by the court orders, never tried to hide anything, didn't sell anything, didn't give away his belongings, steal any of our money, etc. I've been taking the high road, and WH has been taking the low road at every single turn, including this major fork in the road. It takes a unique kind of person to.ehave this way.

He is the one that cheated, did drugs, invented and acted out a fantasy life, ripping up my hopes and dreams, and breaking my heart. And apparently, that wasn't enough. He had to go and try to destroy what financial stability I had left. It's heartless,
and cruel, calculated and callous. WTF?

I wonder what I possibly did to warrant such ill will. Why someone who ever claimed to love me could steal from me, and steal so much. My long term financial security is in serious jeopardy. Yet another thing I never imagined.

So sleep's a problem again, but I think I may finally be able to catch some Zssszz now that it's nearing 4 am.


-

[Sotto]

Phoebe, I'm so sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, MLCers are known for going a bit bonkers with money sometimes. I was pretty lucky in that regard, but I had a separate current account for my main funds. We did keep our joint account open until quite recently and I was conscious of the risk there - but luckily that was okay too.

Protecting your immediate finances and security is of course paramount and I hope your L's will provide good support here. Do you have your own account that he is unable to access at all? If not, I would certainly arrange that - and get some details of what has happened in terms of removing funds from joint accounts.

I know you have been thinking about taking on some work at some point and maybe now is the time to get that financial independence again? Protect, rely only on yourself just now. Also, please try not to see him as calculating and callous. From my experience of MLCers, they are normally pretty lost and confused along with the entitlement feelings of replay. Please do remember this is all about him and not about you just now.

I hope you manage to get some sleep and big hugs from me (((((((Phoebe)))))))

[Painter]

Oh, Phoebe, I'm so sorry! I had no idea you had shared funds. With drugs users, there can't be any trust, and they dint respect the law.

Did your Ls know that he was as lost as he is? I'm surprised they didn't tell you to take half of the available funds to a separate account - that should have been your right.

Please take very swift action and insist on something being done today.

[maybs]

((Phoebe))

I don't really have any advice. Hopefully your Ls can do something to help you out. But I wanted you to know for what it is worth I'm here for you.

[Phoebe]

Thanks Sotto, Painter, and Maybs. My Ls told me that I could move my half, but that it would start a back and forth asset war. And that with the financial orders of protection, he couldn't do this. Well, plainly he can and did.

Anyway, not a great time.

[Painter]

If there are assets of equal or higher value of what he took in funds, I guess he will have to compensate that way in a settlement.

[Painter]

Oh, a thought - was this account flagged with the bank?

[Phoebe]

Ugh. It was flagged to notify me of any transactions, but a transfer apparently didnt make the flag criteria. No idea why.

Anyway, all I can do is depend on the courts to work this out, so I'm just trying to breathe and settle back a little bit. Find my center again... this is now out of my control, so my Ls will have to earn their money. If I can pay them... how ironic...

Anyway. I'm making some bread and just chilling out for a little while. I had an extra session with my therapist this afternoon, one we scheduled at 10 pm last night when he called me after I sent him a text telling him what happened. This is one very engaged and generous doctor. Friday is his day off! Anyway, it helped.

In farm news, my entire flock made it safely into the big girl coop without assistance tonight!!! Yeah! Finally. A few more days like that and I might start to think it's a real success and not a fluke.

[Coly23]

Oh Phoebe, I'm so sorry that H has acted like a&& again.

Do you think this might be a sign that he is getting himself into some big stuff that he was desperate enough to violate the financial restraining order? Maybe he's lost his job and got himself into a mess with the drugs and wreckless lifestyle he is now leading. But whatever the reason, he should not have done this to you.

Hang in there Phoebe, just another bump in the road (maybe a little bigger than a bump!).