Sandi2's 37 Rules

[sandi2]

I don't want to confuse anyone, by responding to your questions, and I'm not sure how good of a job I'll do.....but here goes. The 37 rules are basically bullet points for the newcomer to have some type of map after they've experienced the emotional bomb drop (or the equivalent). Most of them come here in a state of shock and say they don't have a clue as how to interact with their S, or how to conduct themselves when their S does not want to work to save the M. The rules do not go into details b/c it is a list of do's and don'ts.

Is it faking? Well, the emotions probably feel as if you are faking, but that doesn't mean the action is wrong. Ever heard, "Fake till you make it"?

As for 19, if someone were to want to improve themselves in any way, it might be interpreted as competing with the OP.

Well, that's true. If the LBS didn't try to make any changes until OP was in the picture, then yes, those improvements might be misinterpreted. Personally, I think it's when the LBS tries to copy the OP, or overkill in what they refer to as improvements/changes....and it appears like pursuit, smothering, imitating, etc. By imitating, I mean for example, get your hair styled/colored like OW, dress like OW, etc.

But then what do you do if you know that is an area that needs improving in your relationship and you sincerely want to improve it? Why is that fake just because the OP makes you realize it or makes you realize you can solve it?

That is not what rule #19 says. It doesn't make your area of improvement fake. But your attempts, or the motivation, may look fake from the OS's viewpoint. Look at that part of rule #19 again:

Last part of Rule #19:
Don't overkill in your attempts to outshine another person your spouse may be having an A with (if there is OP in the picture) to the point of looking like your attempts are "fake" b/c your spouse will see through all of that.

If your H doesn't want you and he's not interested in working to save the M.......why would seeing you imitate, or trying to outshine his OW impress him? It won't. He will likely believe it's fake, and won't trust your intentions or motivation. He knows you better than anyone else. He can see right through you, and he'll know why you are suddenly laying it on so thick. It's b/c of the OW! If not for the OW being in the picture, would you really be trying to improve this area in your relationship as much? Nothing wakes up a LBS like the threat of a third person to their M. The other S is funny that way, he doesn't want you doing something, at this particular time (if he's in an A), b/c the OP inspired you. If you have not done this, previously, b/c of love for your S.....your "improvements/changes" may not be seen through the same lens by your spouse.

It's rather difficult for me to explain when I don't what area you are referring to changing.

Anyway, I suggest you focus on yourself and improve yourself as an individual......and as a woman. Like I said, don't overkill in whatever area it is you are wanting to improve in the MR. That was the point in rule #19. Make the improvements on yourself and for yourself. Don't make it appear as if you are competing with OW to win your H.