Maybs - Pt 4 - where to now?

[maybs]

It's not like I've just been sitting in my house alone and not speaking to anyone. But even out and about and GAL there's still a piece that feels incomplete.

I know that my day-to-day life hasn't actually changed much. In fact in day-to-day I'm quite content with myself and my life. I enjoy my job tremendously and have been getting great reviews from managers which is quickly leading to added responsibilities which is fantastic.

I enjoy my friends very much and my GAL activities. I've been keeping up on my fitness routine and all that jazz and have continued to see my IC for general peace of mind and well-being to sort myself out and continue on with the changes I want to make.

Overall, I am good.

The problem comes if I think of anything that is more than a few weeks in the future. Things like thinking about kids and holidays and trips. Hopes and dreams WE had for OUR future were also things that I had for MY future and now the future seems so uncertain. And I know the future isn't worth worrying about, all worrying does is ruin today. But it's like I had all these things and dreams that I wanted and I wanted them with her and now she's gone. I know that doesn't mean all my dreams are gone but they've definitely changed and adjusting to that change is rather difficult some days.

In other news she never gave me her keys to the house as she said she would so after work today I'm going to be going to buy new locks and changing out the locks again. (I just did this when we moved in in January). She has not contacted me, not even to get her things that she got in mediation. I have no intentions of contacting her but I also don't feel comfortable with her continuing to have access to my home.