New LBH with WAW/possibly WW, need help.

[nutts]

oh, for some reason I was thinking he was an hour away.. I guess I got mixed up with someone else's sitch.

If you tell OM, he is going to tell your W, so before you say anything to OM or his W, you need to enforce the boundary of not being willing to be in an open M with your WW.

I'm not sure #1, he would tell my W I threatened him, and that's why he's stopping the A; obviously it's a chance I might be willing to take. #2, I'm not in a position to set boundaries, my W wants a D, and if I say I won't be in an open M, she may say, "great, lets get those papers going."

If she finds out you know and have done nothing about it, she will know she can walk all over you and you will do nothing. Not a very attractive trait, you NEED to address it with your WW first.

If she finds out I know, I'll take the tough stance, but if she thinks I was in the dark, her A is over, maybe she'll look back to me; maybe she won't, but I have to try something.

I think I would still follow my outline, I don't think you owe it to OM to give him a chance, I think you either need to expose the A or not. If you tell your WW and OM you know, they will agree to stop, and then go further underground so you don't know it continues. If it was me, I'd follow my plan outlined previously and let everyone take their own journey, I think it would be your best bet for your WW to work her way back to you.

I guess there's a chance outwardly it might look to have stopped, yet they continue underground, but, with him being so far away, I'm not sure the pay-off will be worth it for him.

Remember, this is a long journey, no matter what happens after you expose (if you do), this is not over and you are not going to magically return to happily married. You and your WW need to work on yourselves and only then, start to work on MR, if you don't, you will be back here within a few years.

I understand totally, and I'm working on myself, and I know, if things turn around any, we'll have a lot of work on the R, but I have to try something, it's just looking bad.

Oh, and her and my parents know, but not my friends, although many of her friends do know about the sitch. She's willing to tell people, which seems more of a likelyhood that NOTHING I do will save it, but I have to try something.

Again, thanks for the help and the advice, I always take it to heart.