From experience (whilst I appreciate that everyone is different), is there any general rule of thumb about how much progress should be made after a month, 2 months etc?...
You make progress at your own speed. I think as long as you are making forward progress then that is good. That does not mean you wont have set backs.
Then you pick yourself up dust yourself off and keep moving forward.
I have always been dependent upon others to generate my self worth and always looked at my W for this. I need to work on gaining this from myself, but where to start eh?
There might be some temptation to go pick up hobbies, get into sports, etc. And those are good things, if you're genuinely into them.
But self-worth can start with more basic things. Do you have a job? Are you earning money? Are you supporting yourself and your family? That's a good thing, a very basic thing a man is supposed to do. Do a damn good job at your work, and feel good about it.
Do you have a home you're responsible for? (Whether renting or owning, doesn't matter.) Are you keeping the place in a safe, comfortable condition? Taking care of bills, shopping for food & supplies etc. If you're doing that, that's a good thing to be proud of.
Are you taking care of your own health, so that you will be around for your kid(s)? So that you won't become dependent on others? If not, get better at it, and feel good about it.
I believe those are very basic things a man ought to do well. In other words, be self-sufficient and do a damn good job at it.
Then you can start to think about pastimes: playing sports, doing stuff outdoors, gardening, building model ships, whatever. The point is: you don't have to look too far to start building some self-confidence.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Yes I do have a job and this is such a release for me. I fee that these last few weeks have been tough as my eye has been of the ball, but I'm getting better.
My home has never been tidier and there are a few things around the house that need to be done and the bills are all paid (at the moment) - I may need to reevaluate this soon, but my Son will ALWAYS have a home.
My appetite is slowly coming back and I'm mindful of keeping this as healthy as possible.
I know that I now need to concentrate on me, but as I'm sure you've all experienced, looking backwards is a tough thing to ignore.
Thanks again.
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
Was at the gym earlier, listening to a song - The Reason by Hooberstank. It took me by surprise because it talks about having a reason to change yourself and that reason is someone else...
... So there I am on the cross trainer and this song starts making me think about changing myself from the old me to a new me, and I'm thinking that I could do this for my W. Hit me hard!
But then a switch flicked and I realised that the person to change for isn't my W, but is my Son.
This posivity is here today, it may not be tomorrow (maybe it will), but for now I'm feeling better than I have for a number of weeks.
Thanks for the ongoing support.
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
So I'm looking at the situation and there has been very little contact from my W in last 5 weeks. I'm trying to move on with my life and concentrate on myself (rather than look at her situation).
I know that I am unable to control or fix the M and that any hope I do have will only come about if she decides that she want to work on the M.
My issue is that whilst I'm at home, I'm lonely and the house is filled with memories. She's at her Mom's and the house is busy with several people there - How is she going to have the time and space to reflect on the situation?.... How will she miss her family, her Husband when there is no time to reflect?..
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
My issue is that whilst I'm at home, I'm lonely and the house is filled with memories. She's at her Mom's and the house is busy with several people there - How is she going to have the time and space to reflect on the situation?.... How will she miss her family, her Husband when there is no time to reflect?..
RGB80,
I can't answer your questions, and it doesn't really matter because you can't control your wife and what she's doing. You're still focused on her. Focus on yourself, improve yourself, find some activities that you really enjoy doing and go do them. I know it's easy to say and much harder to actually do, but you can find things that will occupy your mind and that will allow you to meet new people. Go do something; get out and move around.
My issue is that whilst I'm at home, I'm lonely and the house is filled with memories. She's at her Mom's and the house is busy with several people there - How is she going to have the time and space to reflect on the situation?.... How will she miss her family, her Husband when there is no time to reflect?..
1) you need to stop worrying about what she's up to and put your focus on you. If the house makes you sad, then stop being there so much. Use it for a place to sleep and not much more than that. When you don't have your son, get out and do something. Anything. I used to get in at 11 every night just to avoid being in the house alone.
2) your W is a grown adult living at her moms. That's not a long term solution. Just let things play out as they are going to.
