Confused on What to Do 3

[Eagle11]

Eric,

You’ve mentioned that she drinks 1 to 1 and half bottle of wine a night. Is she really drunk after that? I am not suggesting that a bottle and a half are acceptable.

It's more the effect of drinking the alcohol and taking the Xanax that has me worried. I didn't realize what kind of drug Xanax is and what it can do to you if paired with alcohol. My IC explained they are both central nervous system drugs and they both work the same way. I guess to make it simple my IC told me that if she drinks 1 bottle of wine but also takes a Xanax she has basically doubled her alcohol intake. So instead of 1 bottle of wine she has taken the equivalent of 2 bottles of wine. She is also prone to blackouts where she doesn't remember anything from the night when she has been drinking. Just in the last couple of months her and I have had serious discussions while she has been drinking and the next day she doesn't remember anything from the night before. This also might explain why she says she can't remember what happened some nights when she has been on work trips and had a lot to drink. I always assumed stuff happened and she was just keeping it from me, but she really might not remember.

She has taken the xanax for years. All I knew was that it helped her anxiety and she would take one when she thought she might have a panic attack coming on. I have noticed that she takes one every night before bed now possibly to help her sleep, but I don't know if she is taking any more throughout the day. Obviously, the more xanax she takes the more alcohol will effect her. If she went on a serious drinking binge mixed with the xanax, then I was told she could OD and end up in a coma or worse. She hasn't drank like that around the house (the most I can remember is her drinking 2 bottles of wine), but she did tell me when she was in New Orleans a couple of weeks ago she had 3 glasses of wine at dinner and then went to a bar with a lady she works with where she had "many drinks". Then she doesn't really remember anything else. She also has told me she drank so much wine in Vegas (it was free and they kept bringing it to her) the night OM #1 kissed her back at the end of July that she doesn't really remember anything. She told me she remembers going to and ATM machine to try to get money out to gamble but she couldn't remember her pin #, which is the same numbers she has had since I've known her. She says she doesn't remember how she got back to her room either (although I have always wondered if she had help).

From the above, I would be a bit careful here…. Do you really believe that she will be unable to take care of s2 OR is that a passive aggressive way to show HER that you have changed?

If she is sober I have no doubt she can take care of my S2. My IC and I talked about if something happened to my son and he got hurt. He is into climbing on things now and what happens if he falls and breaks his leg or something? Can I trust if she can get him help if she has been drinking? I don't think I can.

First she is 36 years old – YOU running to tell her MOM is probably not going to give you the desired results that you seek. As for you not buying anymore wine – IMHO, you do not need to “announce it” – Just stop buying it. Period.

Yeah, this was discussed and it was one of the reasons I chose not to tell her mom. It was also discussed that I talk to her brother because he is a recovering alcoholic but I decided against that too. I also chose to tell her I was no longer going to buy her alcohol because I feel I was enabling her drinking and I would not be a part of that anymore.

This ^^^^ is a form of a boundary or ultimatum. YOU have now set one. YOU’ll need to stick to it. So…..if she continues to drink….you have now made the commitment that you are not taking your son camping. Not the type of boundary I would have set – at least not now.

I am fine with what I told her. I will not put up with her possibly putting our kids lives in danger. I can live with the consequences and if she doesn't stop then we won't be going camping. My son will disappointed, but he will get over it. If she wants to drink on her own then she can do that but not when she is supposed to be watching the kids.

The fact that she is willing to speak to a therapist maybe a good thing. I would not get your hopes up high, which leads me to a question.

Have you read up on EXPECTATIONS?

No, but I will. I'm not looking for a miracle at this point, but I did see it as some type of positive that she wants to seek help. I know it might not last. She has told me that she has seen 7 therapists in the past and they obviously have not helped, but maybe it will this time. She did tell me a couple of nights before asking for my help with the therapist that nobody could help her and that she was broken, so I was surprised that she came to me a couple of days later asking for help.

I can totally understand how you feel. You will NOT always be able to be home. Regardless of the outcome of your sitch – she is their mother and therefore has every right to spend time with the kids WITHOUT you. Unless she is a drug pushing mother that beats her kids – she WILL be able to do what she feel she wants to with them. If she is a stumbling drunk…..I would have a slightly different view.

I want her to spend time with the kids. I actually wish she would spend more time with them because when she is at home in the evenings she usually spends it either watching tv, doing work or she is on her phone. With each of those activities there is usually alcohol involved.

If she wants to drink her life away then that is her decision but I become involved if it starts to effect the kids.

How is the journaling going?

I've been keeping up with it everyday. It has been good to write down my thoughts for the day. To actually get pen to paper and I guess see what I am thinking has been good.

Thanks