Confused on What to Do 3

[ericmsant2]

Eagle

You’ve mentioned that she drinks 1 to 1 and half bottle of wine a night. Is she really drunk after that? I am not suggesting that a bottle and a half are acceptable.

I told her that if she didn't stop the drinking I would not be taking our S6 camping in 3 weeks because I couldn't trust her with our S2 to be home with him for 2 nights by themselves.

Mabye you should consider finding a baby sitter for S2. Think about it…. “okay W if you do not stop drinking – I will refuse to NOT have fun with my son to punish you”. What is the consequence for her?

Aside from the above, I would be a bit careful here…. Do you really believe that she will be unable to take care of s2 OR is that a passive aggressive way to show HER that you have changed?

My W was going back to visit family this weekend and we thought about me contacting her mom, but I decided against that because I don't know how that would come across.

First she is 36 years old – YOU running to tell her MOM is probably not going to give you the desired results that you seek. As for you not buying anymore wine – IMHO, you do not need to “announce it” – Just stop buying it. Period.

Think about it…. “I am not going to purchase your wine anymore” sounds a bit like “You have not behaved so I am going to punish you”.

Eagle – you are not her father – you are her partner.

I told her that if she didn't stop the drinking I would not be taking our S6 camping in 3 weeks because I couldn't trust her with our S2 to be home with him for 2 nights by themselves

This ^^^^ is a form of a boundary or ultimatum. YOU have now set one. YOU’ll need to stick to it. So…..if she continues to drink….you have now made the commitment that you are not taking your son camping. Not the type of boundary I would have set – at least not now.


The fact that she is willing to speak to a therapist maybe a good thing. I would not get your hopes up high, which leads me to a question.

Have you read up on EXPECTATIONS?

You mentioned drinking and “drugs”…what kinds of drugs?

I just can't take the chance if she is drinking like this along with her drugs that they will be safe if I'm not home.

Regarding this ^^^^^^

I can totally understand how you feel. You will NOT always be able to be home. Regardless of the outcome of your sitch – she is their mother and therefore has every right to spend time with the kids WITHOUT you. Unless she is a drug pushing mother that beats her kids – she WILL be able to do what she feel she wants to with them. If she is a stumbling drunk…..I would have a slightly different view.

How is the journaling going?