Thanks Esame and Bee. I've still been having a difficult time this last week. W is acting like she did this summer part of the time and somewhat how she has been lately part of the time. Tonight was upsetting, it's about 1 year since BD (trying not to think about it) and lots of other stressors are seemingly adding up. I worked hard to come home a day early and everyone complained about everything tonight. Kids didn't want the dinner I made (just spaghetti) and w said she didn't either and went to eat with her roommate then came back. Then told me how she didn't have that trouble when I was gone and ask d if that's why the kids were skinny, wth. I make them nice meals, pastas, fish, steak, chicken and they complain and want to eat the things that we should only have once in a while. W used to be food conscious and we ate very healthy. There were three big bags of candy on the counter when I got home. They told me what she packed them lunchables today when she was gone. Then tonight she made a big deal of her making their lunches in the morning, telling me how I was giving them things they didn't like. Ugh...
She also brought in a mug tonight and told me she got it in a different town than where she said she was going last weekend. I said you told me you were going to x, she just said yeah I did. She is so frustrating...
I got an email from my attorney today asking if we had made any agreements. We are supposed to go to court November 4th and she wants to start a decree. I really would like to ask w if this is what she wants but I think I know better. Is it a bad idea? I hate to further this process when it's the last thing in the world I want. I know w isn't ready to work on herself so how can she work on our relationship? It's still all me. I have no reason to believe she's done any self reflecting/work. I wish I had more time but she's put this in motion because she needed a d and fast. I really don't know how to handle this.
She's lost. She wants a new job, money, car, house, and to run around and "do all the things her parents wouldn't let her do." We drive by nice new houses, she wants to live there. then she wants to have a mod built (she's selling them for her new job, which I'm glad is going well for her). Then she says she wants a townhouse. Then we drive to a neighboring city and she says she's thinking of moving there. Then we drive by downtown apartments in the nearly adjoing city and she says she's going to move there. This is seriously in one day! Never mind the kids, school, 35 mile drive, etc.
Before she left tonight she asked if she could stay here one night soon, maybe this weekend because the kids asked if she was staying tonight. I told her it was okay but it's hard. Part of me didn't want her here tonight, she's not working on anything with me, insults me (although I don't think on purpose), and making a mess; however, before last weekend I was enjoying her company. I know I need to be more patient and I will keep working on that. I keep thinking about when she went to half of a IC appointment just after BD and told me she thought we could be good friends. Is this what she thinks it will be for us? She's not being a good friend, and honestly I have no interest in that, especially if she moves on, but I keep being a friend in hopes that one day she will wake up and to try to do my best for the kids.
