So lost, so confused

[j20a00g]

Thx for the input!

1) it was her idea. 7 month lease (as she said a year would be too long). I went along because I was threatened with "it's either this or divorce...this is our only chance of taking a break because obviously what we are doing isn't working". So I went along. It basically ended up being time for her to solidify the A.
2.) yes. I'm in the marital home. She moved into a town home in the subdivision across the street as she said she wanted to make sure she was close to the kids and their school. Kids go back and forth though her "work schedule" Lately has them
Here more than there. Which I don't mind.

- I found out about the attorney because her Apple ID is the same as the kids on their iPads so her search history comes up. Let's just say her "interests" are now quite taboo. Oh and a tattoo tomorrow! I know part of detachment is not snooping...I will get better

-"stfu"...yes! I have gotten wayyyy better at pausing before reacting and thinking if what I'm about to say will help or hurt my goal. More often than not it would hurt. For instance, tonight was a school event and she had to "work late". She was actually at the OMs place and missed the whole event. She used to never ever ever miss a school event and now it's quite common and each time it's for OM. I simply told her what a great time we had. Sucked she had to work and miss it and sent some pictures. She ofcourse after leaving OM she asked if the kids wanted to stay with her. I told her they were asleep (they were) and that she can see them in the am (school Is canceled). I didn't say nearly what I wanted to say. Not productive but it would have felt good....for a second but then would also further tarnish hope/chances.

-I've been a lurker for sometime. Glad I finally posted and have started the hw. I start back at the gym on Monday (haven't been in about 6 months) and have started to go out with friends more. Surprisingly enough, my work production has increased significantly the last few months. Being 100% commission that's a really good thing.

As far as our M. We started dating when we were 14 and 16. High school sweethearts. We stayed strong as those around us married and divorced. We built a great life together and 1.5 years ago everything seemed amazing. Literally one day it was a light switch. I read the MLC for dummies thread and it's her to a T. A couple of months ago (pre-db) I asked her to name even 1 happy memory...she said she couldn't. Everything was fake, she never loved or even liked me, she played the game, blah blah blah. When I say every mean, hurtful, and nasty thing has been said I do not exaggerate. Including her telling me her goal is to tear me down until I off myself. Yea. Hurts.

During MC I was told she couldn't forgive me and she needed time. When asked what she couldn't forgive me for she said vague things like "everything you have done" and "all the control you had". Never specifics. After we stopped going to therapy, literally as we were walking out she says "I'm so happy that's over. Only reason I was going was so that when we divorce it looks like I really tried to make it work". Wtf?!?!?!!