Living

[Rose888]

I have three kids still at home, so cooking is mandatory. Teens are easier to live with if their tummies are full.

I work from home and live in a rural area, so I've learned that trying to both shop and cook on a weeknight leads to lots of hangry people.

When H is not traveling, he does a midweek shopping trip and cooks half the meals, but when he's gone it only worksifI do one big trip.

I'm glad to hear things were better yesterday. Hope today is good as well.

[SH_]

I'm feeling very tired, very low, very lonely at the moment.

Could do with any support anyone has to offer.

Focus,

What has you down?
Is it that you are tired?
Or was there a trigger?

What can we chat about to place your focus on a uplifting thought?

Thank you for helping me think about this in a little more detail.

I think it was a mix of things really. The huge number of hours I was working, every single day (12 and 14 hour days, 7 days a week. That's come to an end now thankfully).

Also, the realisation that I don't think there will ever be any relationship in the future that will have that same feeling as when I met my H, and when we were married (well, really for the first 13 years we were together. I guess we were pretty lucky in that respect, to have so much very happy time together).

Things seemed tinged with sadness (at best). I'm talking about going forwards, not just now, in this present moment. Sadness and resignation to the inevitability of failure in any relationship, of a lack of communication and the resultant misunderstandings, and the drifting apart and tearing apart that comes from that.

I know that sounds ironic after my last post, and 'the most positive person in the building' stuff I wrote, but there we go. That's what was getting me down.

The focus has to be on yourself, doesn't it? On doing things that you want to do and that make you happy.

I just miss the closeness and companionship I had. I know you guys will get that, as we're all pretty much thinking and feeling the same way on this one. I think I took that closeness and companionship for granted. I just assumed that that was the way it was between two people who were married. But perhaps it is a special thing? A rare thing, rather than being the norm and something that we should come to expect.

I can't get over the feeling of crushing loneliness. It feels like a vice around my heart at times. That doesn't mean that I'm desperate to alleviate that. And it doesn't mean that I don't notice (and really appreciate) those lovely moments of kindness between people. I am genuinely touched by those, and even just thinking about them helps the pain quite a lot.

It's just that feeling is really painful. And I can't quite get my head round my H dancing off into the sunset with OW2, and remaining totally untouched by that feeling, and being completely ignorant of it (mind reading...I know, I know).

Uplifting thoughts? We're sometimes back at the getting through the next few minutes/hour one step at a time, and really having to drag myself forward. Is the answer to just totally fill your time with doing various things so that you don't have the time to sink into these chasms? Is that how it works?

focus,

I will return today to chat. But I wanted to pop by and say hello and tell you that "lonliness" is more an emotion than a feeling.
I know that you have read over on Blu Waves thread our convo on feelings and emotions.
Think on this as you do have more control over this.
Look up a gentlemen by the name of Brendon Burchard and his u tube video about "lonliness". It is a interesting perspective that helps me in the moments that the emotion kicks in for me......

To answer your question...
I am not of the opinion that we need to simply stay busy to fill in the chasms...
For me "busy-ness" is actually a trigger.....
My actions and efforts need a purpose....

Pausing...
Pondering....
Learning....
Meditation...
And believe it or not some alone time helps me to learn and practice controlling my thoughts and reactions to lonliness and the emotions that take place.
Busy-ness for me was empty...

Try finding purpose...
Or better yet, create purpose...

And as I type this...I have had my own epiphany for me and purpose...

Thank you focus...you have helped me this morning now.

I pray for you and may you feel peace today.
Get some rest...a rested mind tends to be more in your control than the sub conscious minds control.....

[focus22]

I have three kids still at home, so cooking is mandatory. Teens are easier to live with if their tummies are full.

I work from home and live in a rural area, so I've learned that trying to both shop and cook on a weeknight leads to lots of hangry people.

Of course...I didn't look at your signature *duh*

When H is not traveling, he does a midweek shopping trip and cooks half the meals, but when he's gone it only works if I do one big trip.

I'm glad to hear things were better yesterday. Hope today is good as well.

What's on the menu this weekend?

[focus22]

Darn, I miss that edit button!

I'm back onto some very gentle decluttering (not much success with that today). Perhaps a little going through stuff and tidying is as much as I can manage? I found all my old school report cards and some diaries from when I was growing up. I'm allowing myself to keep those.

I'm going to take another couple of bags to the charity shop in an hour or so. Getting ready first: bath, massage face, watch a YouTube video on something nice (perhaps makeup).

[Rose888]

H is back from his trip, so he's technically on cooking duty this weekend, but several of us are sick with a nasty cold, so we'll probably go for quick and easy.

Your decluttering sounds nice. I'm deliberately giving myself permission to do next to nothing today. A bit of puttering interspersed with lots of reading under a throw blanket. Being sick plus an overcast day are screaming Lazy Inside Day.

[focus22]

That sounds like the best thing for a day like this!

I ended up having an OK to quite good day.

I tidied and sorted for another few hours in the afternoon. I still have quite a lot more to do. It's become like peeling back the layers of an onion, and I'm enjoying peeling them back, one layer at a time. It's not as overwhelming or as stressful as when I started (must be about six months ago now), although I still get stressed out occasionally, and I can feel myself starting to get a bit anxious - pounding heart, slightly short of breath...that kind of thing.

I started because I needed to empty my flat of H's belongings. That was awful, and very, very stressful. Then after I had done all of that, I moved onto my clothes and shoes, because I had (still have) far too many. No need for multiple black t-shirts, unless black is all you wear of course

I still have far too many clothes, shoes and bags, but it's becoming more manageable now. I'm going to focus more on buying one better quality item that I really want, at the point that I need it, rather than buying multiple much cheaper versions, as and when.

I'm also focusing on not buying any more skincare products. I have far too many of those. I'm just going to use up the ones I already have.

I guess all of this is very much a 180 for me.

Anyway, the fairy lights I found as I was tidying, are now draped around the living room window and switched on. They look lovely.

Am thinking things over SH_, and will answer your post too. I'm not ignoring you

[SH_]

Anyway, the fairy lights I found as I was tidying, are now draped around the living room window and switched on. They look lovely.

I like this...
Sometimes it is just simple things that can create an environment of peace and calm...

Am thinking things over SH_, and will answer your post too. I'm not ignoring you smile

No worries focus...
My intent is simply to help out based on my thoughts and experiences and lend you my support and comfort.

It has been quite a journey for you so far, but you are doing well and continue to put one foot in front of the other...
This is the simple key to surviving all of this...

I am planning to step back a bit for a bit, but please feel free to swing by my thread if I can be of any specific support or help....

Have a lovely day focus22...may you feel some pace and joy in the moments.

[focus22]

Coming up to a lot of anniversaries...

Left one year ago 11 October
Wedding anniversary 21 October
Texted me to say we were done 25 October


Feeling all over the place at the moment. The grief so strong it's like a tight band around my chest.

Please God, make this pass...

[Sotto]

Hi Focus, I'm sorry you are having a rough time at the moment. Anniversaries aren't easy - particularly the first/early ones. Do try to give yourself a break - practice self care and plan some gentle, soothing things.

Think back to some of the triumphant things you have done in your life recently - that is you! And you will get back to her soon - but there is some grief to process first and that is also an important step to feeling better. It feels hard to feel such grief - but if we don't feel it....well...

Do take care and keep posting if we can help. This too shall pass and you will feel a flutter of lightness in your heart again soon.

((((((Big hugs)))))) xx

[Rose888]

((Focus))

I agree with Sotto. Plan some treats for yourself and remember this is an important step on the journey.