Focus on Me and the Boys 9

[J5K]

SH,

I do not expect the court to change anything in the decision of what we agreed upon. But if they do, the only way I would consider to stay is if they awarded me some money back that she took. I cannot buy a place here or in Toronto with the money I will have.

I have no control over STBX's waywardness. That is hers to own and explain to her boys in the future. I do not feel like my choices enable her actions. My choices are made for the best interest of the boys and myself. If I am not healthy and financially stable, then the boys have nothing in the end.

The fact that STBX uses everyone for her benefit is not something I can control either.

I did look up Tony Robbins youtube video on decision. He said focus = feelings. If I don't focus on my health, then I will not be able to feel good with the boys. If I don't focus on my job then I will not perform to the best of my ability and be able to provide financially to them.

Tony also asked 3 questions:

What should I focus on?

Me and the boys and my job.

What does this mean?

He asked what do you do in the beginning of an R? You do anything for the person you are in the relationship with. 5 years down the road it changes and you start to change or criticize and do less of the things you did in the past for the other like happily take out the garbage.

If I look at this like it is the beginning again, maybe I will see more positive results, even if it is just being the best co-parents possible.

Is this the end or is this the beginning? If I look at this like this is the beginning and with a positive focus, then I may get positive results, not for my R with STBX but for the boys.

The last question he asked is What should I do? So he states when you get a meaning and a feeling, you will take an action or pull back. I no longer want to pull back.



Sandi's 37 rules apply to my R with STBX and not the discussions we have about the boys. Maybe I need to be more aware of how to separate the two. I do not feel it is a poor decision for me to move up there. I feel that it is the best thing for the boys so they have both parents in the same city.

I am not the victim and I am not a relationship martyr. I may not like the outcome of this sitch but I have to accept the reality. I am who I am and I will always be true to myself.

My writing skills and communication may not be the best and possibly get misinterpreted. I just want to be the best person I can be for them because at this point, I am both physically and mentally burnt out with no time for myself.

I will miss them dearly on the days they are not with me but they will always be in my heart.

Rose,

I guess I still have a lot of feelings and emotions to process that will take time to heal. I plan on giving her what she needs so the boys can dress fancy for Thanksgiving. I do not want to be petty. That is not what I want to be.